Little vore threat

[firefox01]

I was doing some dumb threats with some friends and was quite proud of this, any constructive criticism would be appreciated, contains graphic digestion and psychological torment

I will devour you whole, slowly, tasting every part of your exquisite flesh. Your flavour enhanced by your fear induced sweat. The last thing you will see is my jaws close around you as they seal you within and the your world goes dark for the last time. With kne strong gulp you are sent down to the steaming prison of flesh. This is where your torment truly begins, the walls are tight and crush you, massaging the acids into your skin as your fur sizzles away, all the while in complete darkness. You are barely able to move, constricted and crushed as the heat and humidity become unbearable. You scream in agony but you know there is so salvation. You earned this fate and I am going to extend it as long as possible. Everyone you know is watching your pitiful struggles on the outside of my bulging belly, watching your final moments of pain. Slowly the tingle in your skin increases to a pain and into burning as your flesh is being dissolved, but still you don't die. You remain conscious right until the end, well what you thought was the end. As you feel yourself passing out due to the pain your mind feels trapped and it is drawn into my body, your torment will never end as your mind and soul merge with my very being, trapping you as sentient fat on my superior form. You will never act again but be trapped, fully aware that have been defeated and are a part of something far greater than you ever were, experiencing the torment of each and every one of my future victims.

[GodFrog]

Sounds delightful however I have a few criticisms
1. It sounds less like a threat and more kin to a present event, just some semantics, but if the goal is fear from a threat then using some more "I will" or "it will" kind of words because as of now it sounds as if I am reading a story, a good story, but not threat.
2. Some more fear instilling words might also do you some wonders, ex "tasting every part of your exquisite flesh", sets a positive tone when complimenting the deserving prey, so saying something similar to "my tongue will crawl your body and gorge itself on your flavor", it is more aggressive and more fearing, hence it might do better when threatening
3. to help with repetition, starting with "you" can make the sentences sound redundant, so rearranging the sentence will help, ex "You remain conscious right until the end, well what you thought was the end." can be "consciousness will be retained as rock bottom will be just covering for the cave beneath as you are forced through my body"
4. I would recommend most of all, do more. This was a fun read, keep up the good work!

[firefox01]

Sounds delightful however I have a few criticisms
1. It sounds less like a threat and more kin to a present event, just some semantics, but if the goal is fear from a threat then using some more "I will" or "it will" kind of words because as of now it sounds as if I am reading a story, a good story, but not threat.
2. Some more fear instilling words might also do you some wonders, ex "tasting every part of your exquisite flesh", sets a positive tone when complimenting the deserving prey, so saying something similar to "my tongue will crawl your body and gorge itself on your flavor", it is more aggressive and more fearing, hence it might do better when threatening
3. to help with repetition, starting with "you" can make the sentences sound redundant, so rearranging the sentence will help, ex "You remain conscious right until the end, well what you thought was the end." can be "consciousness will be retained as rock bottom will be just covering for the cave beneath as you are forced through my body"
4. I would recommend most of all, do more. This was a fun read, keep up the good work!

thanks for the feedback! I will bear those in mind!