hey come look at my story

[VoreSkeeter]

i made a story on writing.com a while ago but no one adds to it

http://www2.writing.com/main/interact/item_id/946892

can someone give me soem feed back about it

[Journeyman]

Feedback:
Well, I think the main reason that interest seems to have fallen off is that the story is very generic... Stop for a moment and ignore the title, and read the story description and first few chapters. There's absolutely no way to tell that this is a 'Cowboy Bebop Shrinking' story. It's just 'something weird happens, you shrink really small, you see girls that can step on you.' The whole story has an air of "insert fetish here," rather than "adapt fetish to this kind of setting."

That's why some stories like vore high just sort of keep on rolling--people adding on (generally, not always) try to make their chapters recall something of a school or college setting. It places a restriction on the writer that inspires creativity from new angles. Otherwise, it becomes a randomly associated collection of basic fetish profiles--nothing particularly special.

So, my 2 cent feedback... Try editing your story description a bit, adding some description, some "rules," some characters to it. That gives people things to work with.

Edit: Oh, and the very popular Google toolbar has a spell checker built in...

[VoreSkeeter]

thx il try that

[VoreSkeeter]

hows this intro is it better ?

http://www2.writing.com/main/interact/i ... 1088341#sw

[Eka]

hows this intro is it better ?

http://www2.writing.com/main/interact/i ... 1088341#sw

No.

Too many using "u" instead of "you". No capitalization whatsoever. Using "OMG" in a story is simply not acceptable.

[blank]

hey i added to this story already, um cid toxic. small world no. yea more people need to add to it.

[VoreSkeeter]

fine il fix it

[VoreSkeeter]

there i took out the OMG like eka so nicely pointed out

besides that what do u guys think