Looking to improve

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Looking to improve

Postby furrster090 » Wed Jan 13, 2021 11:59 am

Heya!

I've started writing vore stories to share on here, but I'm hoping to get some critique/advice.

You can find my latest work here:
https://aryion.com/g4/view/661223

I've written a couple of stories so far and I feel I've already improved at least a bit with simply self reflecting, but I'm curious what people actually think about what I write. Any form of advice or feedback is appreciated!
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Re: Looking to improve

Postby InDepthLook » Wed Jan 13, 2021 7:22 pm

It's not bad at all, especially for a beginner! Let me dredge up some tricks I've learned over the years,

I recommend letting the text sit on the left! It can be distracting and easy to lose your place when the text is centered. Some people prefer more backstory before the vore scene, but it's more a personal choice when writing. A more creative title will help your story stand out! The title and description are the first things someone will see when casually browsing, so it's important to fit a few attention grabbers in there that really sell your story. "A quick bite" is a good title, but a casual viewer may look over it if they see something more interesting. Then, if the title catches their eye, they'll look at the description below it. So definitely add more to the description! That's the part people will use to determine whether or not to click on the story, lol

If I think of anything else I'll stop by again, but so far you're doing great! Just keep writing, keep practicing, and you'll find your niche soon enough ^-^
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Re: Looking to improve

Postby furrster090 » Thu Jan 14, 2021 6:15 pm

InDepthLook wrote:It's not bad at all, especially for a beginner! Let me dredge up some tricks I've learned over the years,

I recommend letting the text sit on the left! It can be distracting and easy to lose your place when the text is centered. Some people prefer more backstory before the vore scene, but it's more a personal choice when writing. A more creative title will help your story stand out! The title and description are the first things someone will see when casually browsing, so it's important to fit a few attention grabbers in there that really sell your story. "A quick bite" is a good title, but a casual viewer may look over it if they see something more interesting. Then, if the title catches their eye, they'll look at the description below it. So definitely add more to the description! That's the part people will use to determine whether or not to click on the story, lol

If I think of anything else I'll stop by again, but so far you're doing great! Just keep writing, keep practicing, and you'll find your niche soon enough ^-^



Thank you for your advice, I'll try to keep it in mind with my future stories. I've already made a note of that I should work on my titles; although I personally never look at the description before clicking on something, so I'll definitely be looking at those in the future. Besides that, well, this story was written to be less plot heavy for multiple reasons. To give you an idea of a more plot driven story, you can read this https://aryion.com/g4/view/660613.

Thanks a million if you decide to give it a read, and thank you for your kind words and support!
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Re: Looking to improve

Postby FirstOf71st » Fri Jan 15, 2021 11:31 pm

I happen to be an aspiring writer (in area other than vore at the moment), so I'll put my two cents in.

First of all, the story and short format works overall. Animal pred / human prey isn't totally my thing, but I can still tell the basic vorish appeal is there, and it will keep people reading.

So, technical aspects — consistent tense! The story is mostly in past tense, but a few present-tense lines ("amber pulls") are mixed in there and are distracting. Some quick proofreading should deal with most of those.

Second, slightly less technical thing, I'd recommend keeping the POV relatively consistent. It's fine to bounce around and give the scene from both the horse's and the girl's perspective, but doing in the same paragraph, as I quote below, is a bit jarring and ruins the reader's flow.

"The horse continued swallowing, working the willing girl down, he proceeded slowly, taking the time to enjoy his jockey. He'd only get to eat her once after all. The horse would lick and taste the back of the girl as it slid over his tongue and down his throat. Amber had a lovely, sweet flavor, her skin soft and smooth. Quite the contrast to the hay he'd been eating all his life. Amber felt the horse moving up her body, her excitement growing as she felt more and more of her body slide down."

The last sentence here should be split off and combined with another paragraph.

Hope that helped. Sentence flow and making the text sound natural only come with practice, so keep working at it!
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Re: Looking to improve

Postby Tassie » Mon Jan 18, 2021 9:52 pm

There was a writing group here for a short while, and since I'm not a great writer myself, I found it very helpful. I wonder if we could start an amateur group of get another theme going again.

Today has been a huge long day, so I'm going to have to read and comment on your story later, but I would love to help out a fellow writer. Everyone here is always to nice and creative and helpful; I feel bad for not contributing more.
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