A Tsundere Snack (My First Post!)

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A Tsundere Snack (My First Post!)

Postby ShadowRayquaza » Tue Nov 12, 2019 10:35 pm

A Tsundere Snack.pdf
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*Taps mic*

Um... Hi, everybody! It's, uh, nice to meet all of you! So, I've been lurking here for, oh, several years now, and during that time, I've seen lots and lots of vore artists and writers. I had always thought about making something that I could show off here, but time and time again I'd back down because I didn't think it would be good enough. Well, no more! It's time I finally nutted up, threw my hat into the ring, and- I'm rambling, aren't I?

Anyway, yeah! This is my first post EVER on this site, and I'm excited to see what you guys think of my story! I mean, I don't think it's perfect, but I was proud of it enough to upload it here for all to see! Please enjoy!

(NOTE: The story contains implied digestion and reformation, as well as some very mild sexual content, but it's not very overt.)
[HELLO, MY NAME IS: NEWBIE]
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Re: A Tsundere Snack (My First Post!)

Postby sweetladyamy » Wed Nov 13, 2019 1:28 pm

Hmmm...

It's brief, not really too provocative...

Good for a quick read.
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Re: A Tsundere Snack (My First Post!)

Postby Apex » Wed Nov 13, 2019 3:06 pm

This is pretty good compared to some of the stuff I've seen. It's quick and to the point, which has its own set of charms, and it has a very anime sort of feel to it. I assume that was the intent considering it's called Tsundere Snack. Though one thing that kind of means is that the characters didn't really feel like people. For the perspective character that's fine because they're clearly supposed to be defined by the reader, but the girl might as well just be the word "tsundere" come to life. This is perhaps especially pronounced since I know that trope so well, but I don't really know how to fix it because the story is so short it's hard to add any real depth to the characters anyway. Even then, making it longer to add that depth might just make it unnecessarily drawn out and boring. Finding that balance is a real crapshoot but I think you've at least got a good enough grasp of writing to find your way there.

Though thinking on it, it is kind of nice to see what amounts to anime characters telling each other their feelings without 300 chapters of faffing about.
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Re: A Tsundere Snack (My First Post!)

Postby ShadowRayquaza » Wed Nov 13, 2019 4:00 pm

Thanks for the feedback!

Apex, it's kinda funny that you mention the girl being kind of a stereotype, because that's kind of what I was thinking, too ^^; By the time I had gotten about halfway into the story, I looked over it and thought "Huh, writing a good tsundere is actually harder than I thought!" so I went back and forth in my head with some ideas before settling on... well, that. In hindsight, it probably wasn't the best idea to have my first story on the site feature a character I didn't quite know how to write, but hey, live and learn, right? I do have a bunch of other story ideas, but I think those will have to wait until I can get my own gallery to put all this stuff in.

In the meantime, thanks again!
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