Loona Eliminates the Competition (Helluva Boss)

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Loona Eliminates the Competition (Helluva Boss)

Postby zarpaulus » Sat Jun 27, 2020 10:29 pm

A short Helluva Boss fanfic, inspired by the storyboards for "C.H.E.R.U.B."

Contains digestion, offscreen disposal, gas from both ends, and harsh language.

---

"Ughh..." Loona moaned, leaning back in her chair with one hand cradling her horrendously bloated belly. One might be forgiven for thinking she was nine months pregnant with triplets, just not by her.

"Didn't I tell you eating those cherub guys was a bad idea?" Millie shouted across the room at the Hellhound. Loona's groans of indigestion had been grating at her nerves for half a day by now.

"Fuck you." A bulge climbed up Loona's throat and she clamped her hands over her muzzle just in time to suppress a loud belch. She let out a sigh of relief with the fragrant green gas. "Oh good, I thought they were making another escape attempt."

The contents of her gut visibly shifted and a sheep's face stretched out a corner of the skin. "Not in our current condition!" It shouted. "We wouldn't make it far out there now."

Another sheep's head pushed it's way up on the opposite side of her stomach. "I don't know sis." It said in a marginally higher voice. "You might blend in now."

"You two are siblings? Ew." Loona deadpanned.

"Look, I appreciate your enthusiasm in eliminating our competition Loony." Blitzo added. "But did you have to eat the kid too?"

A bubbling gurgle from Loona's lower gut interjected. "I'm 600 years old!"

"Didn't taste like it." The Hellhound slapped her groaning guts. "Your lamb friends tasted better, but still..." She turned towards her boss. "Wonder how mortal kids compare. I'm disposing of the body next time we off one."

"You kill children?! You beast! Once we get out of heeee whoah!"

The chastising cherub was cut off by a series of loud gurgles and groans, followed by a loud "ffffraappppp" sound from the direction of Loona's seat cushion. Her eyes widening in realization as she ripped one, Loona quickly leapt over her desk and bowled Blitzo over yelling "outta my way!"

The rest of I.M.P. turned in time to watch the Hellhound's tail disappear through the ladies' room door before it slammed shut. Seconds later the plethora of post-digestive noises and smells resumed with a vengeance.

"That figures." Moxxie walked in and dumped his half-eaten salad in Loona's wastebasket. "First time Loona doesn't steal my lunch in forever and she makes me lose my appetite."

"Now don't be so hard on Loony." Blitzo said, pulling Moxxie in for an unwanted hug. "Thanks to her, our only competitors are getting flushed down the toilet." His eyes narrowed menacingly as he intoned the last three words.

"With all due respect sir," Moxxie interjected. "I'm not so sure about that. I thought that demons couldn't kill angels under any circumstances."

"Now now Moxxie." Blitzo reassured him. "Would the universe really be that unfair?"

The deluge of biological noise slowed to a soft deflating sound, then a few seconds of silence followed by a distinct sequence of three specific sound effects. The toilet flushed, Loona burped with enough force to shake the walls, and finally a window shattered. Peering out the office window they could see a golden blur streaking down the street away from their building.

Loona staggered back out, her belly noticeably smaller but now with two gold hoops hovering by her sides.

"Damn haloes," she commented as she tried in vain to swat one away. "By the way Blitzo, I saw my shit moving. You're going to need to pick up more dewormer."

"That wasn't worms!" One of the sheep cherubim still occupying her alimentary canal objected. "Our boss is still alive. And once he pulls himself back together you sinners will pay for your..." They got cut off by something squirming its' way up Loona's intestine and letting loose an outsized "ROAR".

The Hellhound had to brace herself against a wall as her gut started heaving violently and its' occupants began frantically screaming.

"She does have worms!"

"Oh God it's burrowing into my eye socket!"

"Please, just let us DIE!"

Loona let herself smile a bit. "Maybe you'll get lucky and catch my syphillis too."
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Re: Loona Eliminates the Competition (Helluva Boss)

Postby HisashiHinata » Sat Jun 27, 2020 10:48 pm

Oh, finally, someone acknowledges the existence of the CHERUB crew! A great story, and now I'm just thinking of them as pred, especially Collin, the goat one.
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Re: Loona Eliminates the Competition (Helluva Boss)

Postby Circle0Trick » Sat Jun 27, 2020 11:14 pm

Now this was a fun thing.
Thank you for posting.
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Re: Loona Eliminates the Competition (Helluva Boss)

Postby zarpaulus » Sun Jun 28, 2020 11:48 am

HisashiHinata wrote:Oh, finally, someone acknowledges the existence of the CHERUB crew! A great story, and now I'm just thinking of them as pred, especially Collin, the goat one.

Well I didn't catch their names, only saw the storyboards in a Youtube video that seems to have scraped it from a stream.
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Re: Loona Eliminates the Competition (Helluva Boss)

Postby HisashiHinata » Sun Jun 28, 2020 2:16 pm

zarpaulus wrote:
HisashiHinata wrote:Oh, finally, someone acknowledges the existence of the CHERUB crew! A great story, and now I'm just thinking of them as pred, especially Collin, the goat one.

Well I didn't catch their names, only saw the storyboards in a Youtube video that seems to have scraped it from a stream.


I think the only confirmed name is the goat's, whose name is Collin.
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