How To Approach Anyone

[Archmage_Bael]

I'm wondering this, its not a guide - so for those of you having the same problem, you're not alone.

The issue here is how to talk to people. People come from many different backgrounds and cultures and I understand that - but sometimes I feel as if people get too sensitive about how they are approached or spoken with. While there is no rule or enforced behavioral guidelines, it would be nice for people to be as understanding as possible, and to cut others slack. Too often I have been yelled at for saying hello the wrong way. Some get offended by 'Hey' and prefer 'Hello', while others prefer 'Greetings' or 'Hello' and get offended by 'hey' because they don't know the person enough, and you should be as polite as you can to show respect (which is a valid point), while other people prefer 'Hey' because its a chat room, and extremely informal, and therefore such strict politeness gestures should be swept aside as it may make other people intimidated or nervous.

Many people here, including myself, have social issues. For me, my personal history (which is not needed to go into) causes me to be a bit clingy to others - and I'm constantly fighting it to not annoy people to death.

There are complex issues revolving around greeting someone, RPing with them, and maintaining a relationship. How often should you re-approach someone, for example? What should you say? Would greeting someone the same way, or saying similar things every time bore them and cause them to move on? There are many examples and I'm only scratching the surface. I often give people as many chances as I can afford. I rarely, if ever, go insane talking to someone unless they abuse the enter key like its the end of the world, and even then I only would informally suggest to them that they try to limit their frequency of posts. I sometimes post 2 or 3 times when I forget to say something and need to add it as an afterthought (since there's no 'edit post' button in a chat).

What are your guys' thoughts and feelings? How should you approach someone? I feel its far too easy to offend someone on the chat, and the sensitivity and reactions cause others to be jerks to each other. Should there be an addendum in the behavioral section about this? The difference in people's cultures and upbringings all coming together are bound to cause conflicts and I urge people to be as understanding as they can.

[tqueensway]

It's always contextual and a matter of the other's personal preference. There is no definitive way to approach everyone.

I'm personally not very fond of small talk, and prefer to skip over greetings and formalities altogether, in favor of the other person getting right into what they're after. I generally specify this in my character profiles- hence why I get a bit agitated when somebody approaches me as such, as it shows they didn't read the first few lines of my profile.

I will say that introductions like 'hi' or 'hey' are much more likely to turn me away from roleplaying somebody; given how much time a roleplay can take, it's not very telling of the other individual's writing capability. A sentence or two from the other person can make me much more inclined to roleplay with them- if I feel that they're putting in an effort to write well, and I can determine that our tastes overlap, I'll happily discuss a scene idea.

[architectap12]

Archmage_Bael, Archmage_Bael, i have similar clingy issues, and you can NEVER be too clingy towards me, you are correct, there are many kinds of people, im actually offended when people arent constantly trying to get my attention

[replicatkd]

I never understood the anger about saying hello. I would rather get "annoyed by hellos" than not being approached at all or getting approached by those that DEMAND a scene.

Although I admit that a lot of people should just say: "Do you want to do a scene? oral vore is my favorite!" Since it is a lot more useful than dancing around the issue.

I always approach with: "Do you want to do a scene? or are you busy?" and that usually works. Although getting ignored is not uncommon so you should be prepared for that.

Its easy to get angry at one another because the chat is made without a "friend list" and that encourages clinging because people can replace you in two seconds, and that makes everyone paranoid or blunt with regards to introductions. Partners that become friends are very precious, but you should also have a selfish fire in you. RP with who you want and when you want, talk with who you want, others are going to do the same to you.

That's as far as I know for this particular chatroom.

I recommend putting something on your profile that tells people you are open for approach or taking the risk and present your partner something you both might enjoy. If you say "hello" then at the very least compliment their profile and propose to brainstorm together. If the other person is mean or wants a perfect approach then it's their loss if they choose not to give you a chance.

Funnily enough some of the best writers I have met approached me with the typical "hello? how are you doing?" so I try to give everyone a chance since I don't want to risk losing a good writer. (by best writers I mean people who write very descriptive paragraphs and as many as 3-4 of them)

So I just bear with it and see how they like to write.

[Rendezvore]

A simple one word greeting like "Hi" or "Hey' can easily get lost in the mess of chat text. I might not hear the ping because speakers are muted or I've got a game in the background running or music playing or I was in another room for a moment. I might only notice this months later after reading through my private logs. I suggest a more fleshed out introduction that is more likely to be seen.

And honestly, I think it's less about the difference of "Hi" and "Hey" and more about what comes after.
Think of it like this: if you were walking down a busy street and some random person on the sidewalk said "Hi" to you, your first thought would probably be "Do I know this person??", then your second thought would be "What do they want?"

When this happens on chat, it usually goes like this:
"hi"
"Hi, do we know each other?"
"no just saying hi"
"Alright, then. Hello."
"how are you"
"I'm fine, Just sitting here sketching stuff. Did you need something?"
"i like your draggy"
"Thanks. Was there anything else?"
"Wanna RP?"

This gets tedious when being approached , so like many RPers I don't like small talk and would just like to know what a potential partner is interested in up front. A greeting is usually fine, just back it up with an introduction to yourself and what you're "selling". Because that's what you're essentially doing, is selling yourself and your talents as a RPer. We're not just gonna jump at the chance to eat you or be eaten by you because your profile pic is cute.

This is much more approachable:
"Hi there! Do you have a moment to talk? I read your profile and your character (name here) seems fun and it looks like we're both into (major preferences/kinks/fetishes here). I thought maybe you might like my character (name here)."

If you can't be bothered to write something like that in your first post, then sorry to say, but you most likely aren't the type that people would want to RP with. A few sentences are what people are looking for because RPing involves a lot of writing, so they are looking at how you WRITE. Keep basic lines of approach in a notepad on your desktop and just copy/paste it, fine-tuning it for the current situation. Easy.

With that said, I do make it a point to always give people a second chance.
I am aware that some people are shy or unsure of themselves, or English might be a second language for them, or that not all people are familiar with common role play terms, possibly not even realizing what an "IC approach" even means and don't know to avoid it. There might also be a simple mix-up of profiles or preferences cause they tend to blend together when you're reading ten of them at once in different browser tabs. I've made mistakes like that. No one is infallible, it happens. So, if I occasionally get an approach I don't want, I don't freak out or ignore the person. I politely ask them not to do that or remind them that I'm not interested in a particular preference and more often than not they realize their mistake, apologize, then we start over.

[voresercher]

Personally, for me a "Hi, how are you doing?" or "Hello, I was wondering if you'd be interested in a RP?" is what I like to see and use myself (Usually the former before the latter).

As mentioned above you might get ignored (whether it's because they didn't hear the ping or another reason) you can always send them a PUB saying that you saw them online and they didn't reply, and you were wondering if they'd be interested in RP'ing with you. In most cases I'll get a response some time later saying that they didn't hear it when I pinged them.

Anyway it's kinnda hard to really annoy/piss people off when approaching for a scene (unless you ignore something they specify in there profile or preferances (i.e. no small talk or something with character prefs (male-preds for me)). Just remember be curtious and don't assume that they'll be on board for what you propose, and you should be fine.

If you have any questions feel free to PM me

[rbrtlo]

I think that what the others have said here holds some merit; there are tweaks that you can make to your approach to better your chances. However I think it's more important to remind you that, at best, that is all you have--a chance.

Your message could be perfectly anodyne and still set someone off, or you could explicitly state your interests and someone can still think you're being unclear. That's because communication isn't very much based on what you say, instead it is controlled by how you and the other feel.

There are a million million factors that might control how we respond to an approach, just as there are a million million factors controlling how we respond to this post. If I'd had a bad day, was sick, and I'd just been brutally rejected for a roleplay, I might be in complete agreement with you right now. Your words could be the exact same ones you used, and because of different factors, I would respond differently.

Don't forget that you are never entitled to anything, and don't forget that we are all animals driven by emotions and thoughts and social expectations and everything else. If you want to input a command and receive a predictable response, use a chatbot. But part of the reason we roleplay is that we like the unpredictability, and we are delighted when it ends well.

So stop complaining that the gamble often ends badly and go roll some dice. :p

[tqueensway]

And honestly, I think it's less about the difference of "Hi" and "Hey" and more about what comes after.
Think of it like this: if you were walking down a busy street and some random person on the sidewalk said "Hi" to you, your first thought would probably be "Do I know this person??", then your second thought would be "What do they want?"

This summarizes it up for me. It's also why I'm not very fond of receiving a compliment and nothing more in the first message.

[replicatkd]

And honestly, I think it's less about the difference of "Hi" and "Hey" and more about what comes after.
Think of it like this: if you were walking down a busy street and some random person on the sidewalk said "Hi" to you, your first thought would probably be "Do I know this person??", then your second thought would be "What do they want?"

This summarizes it up for me. It's also why I'm not very fond of receiving a compliment and nothing more in the first message.

This is probably the reason he/she is unsure of approaching people on the chat.

Might as well have something that says: "If you want to approach me you have to do this and this, and this, and this, and this, this, this, this..." on the profile for clarification.

[Sehnsucht]

"Hi! I read your profile and liked X because Y. Are you busy? I'd like to chat, or maybe play, if you're up for it."

Presumably you have read their profile and are interested. They invested time in that shit!

[Archmage_Bael]

When this happens on chat, it usually goes like this:
"hi"
"Hi, do we know each other?"
"no just saying hi"
"Alright, then. Hello."
"how are you"
"I'm fine, Just sitting here sketching stuff. Did you need something?"
"i like your draggy"
"Thanks. Was there anything else?"
"Wanna RP?"


This gets tedious when being approached , so like many RPers I don't like small talk and would just like to know what a potential partner is interested in up front. A greeting is usually fine, just back it up with an introduction to yourself and what you're "selling". Because that's what you're essentially doing, is selling yourself and your talents as a RPer. We're not just gonna jump at the chance to eat you or be eaten by you because your profile pic is cute.

Getting a scene with someone shouldn't feel like submitting an application to a job. We're here to have fun and chat. Saying you're tired of greetings is like saying you're tired of life, and people. You might as well seclude yourself in a room and play single player video games for the next 80 years of your life. The issue I have here is part of this: everyone prefers to say hello in different ways and judging someone by the way they say hello is just weird. Its why I'm trying to implore that people dont judge based on first introductions. Your character is different from you, you both have likes and dislikes, and if you want to do a scene it has nothing to do with you say hello to someone else, which is why its good to always just let it go.

Personally I dont ask if someone needs something, I let them ask if they want a scene. Hellos are great because its an all around greeting, asking how someone is means you're trying to be considerate of their situation. I've had people also get upset because they might not be in the mood, so then they snap at me for not understanding. There are so many problems here and everybody seems to just prefer things to happen their way, and nobody is psychic.

This is much more approachable:
"Hi there! Do you have a moment to talk? I read your profile and your character (name here) seems fun and it looks like we're both into (major preferences/kinks/fetishes here). I thought maybe you might like my character (name here)."

If you can't be bothered to write something like that in your first post, then sorry to say, but you most likely aren't the type that people would want to RP with. A few sentences are what people are looking for because RPing involves a lot of writing, so they are looking at how you WRITE. Keep basic lines of approach in a notepad on your desktop and just copy/paste it, fine-tuning it for the current situation. Easy.

With that said, I do make it a point to always give people a second chance.
I am aware that some people are shy or unsure of themselves, or English might be a second language for them, or that not all people are familiar with common role play terms, possibly not even realizing what an "IC approach" even means and don't know to avoid it. There might also be a simple mix-up of profiles or preferences cause they tend to blend together when you're reading ten of them at once in different browser tabs. I've made mistakes like that. No one is infallible, it happens. So, if I occasionally get an approach I don't want, I don't freak out or ignore the person. I politely ask them not to do that or remind them that I'm not interested in a particular preference and more often than not they realize their mistake, apologize, then we start over.

Its true that's a way to get it all out at once, but it still feels unnatural, like an application. I'm not saying its bad at all, but its also potentially showing your partner all you care about them is a partner to RP with, and not as an actual person - and someone may get offended because you're viewing them as an item. What if your partner has a rough family life and they come here to escape? Not asking how they are feeling might leave out the humanity aspect. Humans crave company afterall.

I dont mean to offend you, I'm just trying to show how no matter WHAT you say, there's always a way for another person to get offended, and I think people need to remember that, and keep an open and accepting mind, otherwise everyone in the chatroom will just end up hating each other because nobody knows how to approach each other.
-----

As for the "stranger on the street" scenario I dont feel that's appropriate. Its more like a club. We may be different ages but we all like the same thing, so its closer to approaching someone in a club and saying hello than seeing someone on the street who could be anything and like anything. After all, if your'e a girl you're going to have to learn to accept that when you walk down the street people will be staring at you, or cat calling, or trying to get your attention. Its stressful and borderline harassment. I really do not want to relate saying hello on this chat room to such a situation.

[replicatkd]

I agree with what you said Archmage_Bael and that's why I recommend everyone to have their selfish mode on and to be prepared to be ignored.

Sure, we are all here to have fun but you can't control what others do or think, that's why you have to do your best to meet new people, and go out of your way to compliment those that are warm and welcoming to you. Maybe even indulge them with a special RP. Haha. That's what I do anyway.

It's their loss if they don't want to meet someone new, who knows? they might be top-notch writers or very chatty friends. Taking the risk is better than not taking it.

Tackling through the "job application" is worth it. You won't be able to force anyone to do anything anyways. As you said, no one can read minds.

[RachelBabe]

To me, I just flat out ask if you want to rp. This doesn't mean "Lets go do something, lets not even talk kinks, gogogo", it means, "Would you mind reading my preferences and seeing what you like?" Most of the times this works, and i get the response "Sure, what do you want to do?" etc. But sometimes people assume that I want to jump right into rp.

[tqueensway]

And honestly, I think it's less about the difference of "Hi" and "Hey" and more about what comes after.
Think of it like this: if you were walking down a busy street and some random person on the sidewalk said "Hi" to you, your first thought would probably be "Do I know this person??", then your second thought would be "What do they want?"

This summarizes it up for me. It's also why I'm not very fond of receiving a compliment and nothing more in the first message.

This is probably the reason he/she is unsure of approaching people on the chat.

Might as well have something that says: "If you want to approach me you have to do this and this, and this, and this, and this, this, this, this..." on the profile for clarification.

No... this isn't a laundry list of things. This is "be cordial, but state your intentions outright." Again, the stranger analogy alludes to why a simple "hi," "hey," or "you're cute" in isolation is not likely to garner a response.

[Rendezvore]

Getting a scene with someone shouldn't feel like submitting an application to a job. We're here to have fun and chat.

Oh, well... I don't know about others, but that's pretty much how I and my husband treat it.

RP at it's core is like improvisational theater. Role. Play. You are taking the role of a character in a play between two or more people. When a potential candidate contacts me or him, they are effectively sitting down at a private "table" while presenting themselves and their character ideas. We would consider that to be applying for a role as a character and partner. We audition people and their character sheets for tabletop D&D and GURPS games, as well, because we look for specific types of players to fill those roles. It's the same deal with this.

If I take the time to interview a player it usually takes several hours out of my night to discuss a scene and go over ground rules, so I need to know straight up if they're gonna be worth talking to long-term. After that, if the player is cool and has interesting ideas that coincide with mine, then maybe we get to know each other and chat about stuff other than RP.

Saying you're tired of greetings is like saying you're tired of life, and people. You might as well seclude yourself in a room and play single player video games for the next 80 years of your life.

As I said, a greeting is usually fine. I just suggest to back it up with something substantial that others can work off of beyond that, otherwise it tends to go slowly or no where at all. It's the small talk that is tedious, not the greeting itself.

(Also, I laughed at playing single-player video games until I'm 110+ years old. My entire video gaming family is going "This is a problem?" )

I'm not saying its bad at all, but its also potentially showing your partner all you care about them is a partner to RP with, and not as an actual person - and someone may get offended because you're viewing them as an item.

Please, please.. view me as an item. Oh.. er... I mean.. *coughs*

While a player is not an object persay, they are acquaintances until after it's established that our ideas mesh and they are worth spending the time to talk with. But I would say yes, first and foremost, if someone is looking for RP then they probably are only interested in an RP partner for the time being. A lot of people say as such on their profiles, stating up front they have no interest in small talk or becoming more acquainted outside of RP because they might have upwards of 50 people they've RPed with over the years and don't have time to chat with them all. Or they simply prefer to have a few close friends and leave it at that.

I dont mean to offend you, I'm just trying to show how no matter WHAT you say, there's always a way for another person to get offended, and I think people need to remember that, and keep an open and accepting mind, otherwise everyone in the chatroom will just end up hating each other because nobody knows how to approach each other.

Sure, any stupid little thing could be offensive to someone or they might be having a bad day... but even so, you can reduce the odds of being rejected if you keep in mind most people who are looking for RP partners are not looking for idle chat and are more interested in how you write, if you've paid attention to their profile, and if you have preferences in common, first. So, if you approach like I explained you will more than likely get better responses from people overall. Just try to be mindful that you're taking up someone's time to consider you as a potential partner and they are probably treating your approach as a first impression of your ability.

As for the "stranger on the street" scenario I dont feel that's appropriate. Its more like a club.

Where the analogy is located doesn't matter. The point is you're walking up to a stranger, waving them down for a moment of their time. If we use the club analogy, then you're pulling them aside while they were busy having fun doing other things, so you should have an important and fulfilling synopsis of what you are interested in to make this interruption worthwhile.

And at a club... people don't generally say "hi, wanna sex?" to someone they just met. Cause, that's what I think when someone says "hi, wanna rp?"

[Midir]

We audition people and their character sheets for tabletop D&D and GURPS games, as well, because we look for specific types of players to fill those roles. It's the same deal with this.

Oh do you do this? In my case it was just "hey can I play with you guys". And they are like "sure, roll a rogue or a fighter then". It was in RL though, and in a place where tabletop games are very rare

I have my own little pet peeve... Do not ask me "How are you". This is a really personal type of a question for me and until I actually feel like sharing something personal with you my reply would be rather cold. I guess it can work differently with other people though. Think of it - maybe I am depressed? Maybe I am upset? Or simply tired? Maybe I am bothered with my job or university issues? Maybe I am bothered about my application somewhere? Do you really think I am going to share it with a stranger?

When I am looking for people to approach in the chatroom I assume the following things:
1. If they do not have an LFRP thing they are probably busy now. I am trying to be brief in order to not to bother them. In this case when I am confident I want to RP with that person and have an idea in mind I simply ask them in one post. If they seem friendly or interested in me I can inquire them further...
2. If they have an LFRP sign on or they are chatting actively they are less busy. I can ask them more confidently, I often ask people about peculiarities in their profiles. I actually love simply chatting with them - discussing a setting, character types or common kinks - but you gonna be sure the other person feels like that. I still try to explain people I am not looking for RP or I can tell them that I could do some RP but also want to discuss something that is new to me....

[Archmage_Bael]

We audition people and their character sheets for tabletop D&D and GURPS games, as well, because we look for specific types of players to fill those roles. It's the same deal with this.

Oh do you do this? In my case it was just "hey can I play with you guys". And they are like "sure, roll a rogue or a fighter then". It was in RL though, and in a place where tabletop games are very rare

I have my own little pet peeve... Do not ask me "How are you". This is a really personal type of a question for me and until I actually feel like sharing something personal with you my reply would be rather cold. I guess it can work differently with other people though. Think of it - maybe I am depressed? Maybe I am upset? Or simply tired? Maybe I am bothered with my job or university issues? Maybe I am bothered about my application somewhere? Do you really think I am going to share it with a stranger?

This is where cultural differences come into play. Essentially, "Hi, how're you?" is something people in the US say as a simple greeting which means more of "how is your day going?" Or in French when you ask "Bonjour, comment allez-vous?" and the response is usally something like "ca va" or "ca va bien". In other places such as Germany however, if you ask someone "how are you?" you have to be prepared for either the cold shoulder or to be willing to listen to someone ramble for twenty minutes about how they are actually doing, because that is what you literally asked them.

RP at it's core is like improvisational theater. Role. Play. You are taking the role of a character in a play between two or more people.

I have to admit this main part here in the first part of what you said is pretty much all I focused on mentally - because of the theatre part. I have done theatre, I've been in plays and musicals before and there are aspects that are much different - such as the locale, the fact that there's an audience, you're part of an organization, and there is a goal to make money. Acting is literally a job, so 'role play' as a profession is really entirely and completely different than roleplaying here because you lack all those essentials. You're here on your off time (hopefully, I cant imagine you'd be here on the job ). You're not on the chat to make money, you MAY do it in front of an audience depending on which room you play in, but its really just a room with other people also acting. You don't have several theatres with multiple plays all in one building acting out their dramas simultaneously in real life - it doesn't work that way.

So I cant see it as being related to theater at all besides the fact you're taking up a role.

You audition or apply for a job or a performance because there is money to be made, and they need to be made sure of several things (depending on what you're applying for) before potentially bringing you onto their team. You do make some good points though.

As I said, a greeting is usually fine. I just suggest to back it up with something substantial that others can work off of beyond that, otherwise it tends to go slowly or no where at all. It's the small talk that is tedious, not the greeting itself.

(Also, I laughed at playing single-player video games until I'm 110+ years old. My entire video gaming family is going "This is a problem?" )

Yeah I think you got me on that one. Though I have to admit that, seriously, I said "hello" just like that to one person and they were literally like "goodbye. blocked." and I was like "ooooookaaaaaaaaaaay...." and tried to move on, but the problem was me worrying about what the problem was. I never did approach them again though. Lol.

As for the 80 years thing, maybe I said that to the wrong crowd. I think most people here are introverts...they'd probably love to do that...(also may be part of the problem, many people log in and play video games and ignore the chat, and the people trying to actually play are getting upset at that. #assumptions )

Please, please.. view me as an item. Oh.. er... I mean.. *coughs*

I think I'm addressing the wrong crowd here... XD

Where the analogy is located doesn't matter. The point is you're walking up to a stranger, waving them down for a moment of their time. If we use the club analogy, then you're pulling them aside while they were busy having fun doing other things, so you should have an important and fulfilling synopsis of what you are interested in to make this interruption worthwhile.

Eh, I go to a table tennis club whenever I get the chance. There's always people walking around not doing anything either watching someone else or just sitting down and taking a break. I can break down each action people do at the club to relate it better to here, but then I'm debating semantics, and we'd get into a really long and - for the most part - an incredibly stupid argument about analogies.

Sure, any stupid little thing could be offensive to someone or they might be having a bad day... but even so, you can reduce the odds of being rejected

THIS. RIGHT HERE.

A lot of people here have so many likes, dislikes, things that bug them, mood situations, cultural differences, how they were raised, etc, that I feel as if I'm stepping on egg shells.

I prefer a bit of idle chat in the introduction, because I want to make sure I'm not asking someone who's having a really bad day to RP, because in all things I try to be understanding and empathetic towards others. Always. IF they're having a bad day, instead of following up with a question about RPing, I'll ask them if they feel the need to talk about it, or just let them know that I'm always willing to be the kind of friend who's willing to be yelled at if you need to vent about something. Usually I get a no, but I always still let them know I hope they feel better, genuinely.

I'm not saying that the one line "Greetings, if you're feeling up to it I would like to talk about RPing with you" or however you want to put it. Saying something though like "I am a..." should be obvious because it should be in your profile. Also people sometimes think you may be needy if you say it that way.

All this, this last thing that you said here, part of what I quoted? That's the whole point for my bid about understanding.

All I'm asking, is for others to realize how much we are different from one another. Do not get upset because they said hello, do not think they are poor in personal quality or in situation because how they greeted you, how they are talking to you, or whatever similar situation you are in with them. Always give people the benefit of the doubt, do not take it personally unless its an actual insult. If you do you'll set yourself up for a lot of frustration, and frustrate others. Always also remember they are a human too (I legitimately think some people here ignore that), and RPing is a collaborative form of entertainment. If everyone kept this in mind I think we'd have a lot less frustrated people.

Spoiler: show

I have a friend who takes everything personally. Everything. I cannot possibly tell you how irritating it is to be in the car with him.

[Sorniyamiro]

Such long discussions about how to approach someone! Sounds like a simple thing, but it sometimes isnn't I admit : x

I must confess, I haven't read through all of it, but about 3/4 and missed a very general thing so far: Isn't the most important thing when approaching someone and wanting to maintain a longer "relation" to this person and reveal something as private as your likings, that you are, first of all, yourself?
I mean, when I approach someone, I don't say "hi", "hey" or think about cultural things etc., since I am not going to a job interview or so. I say something like "Meow! :3" and don't worry about consequences and such. When they make me shy, I don't hide it that they do so either. And when they don't like me, I accept it and move on. But if I find someone who likes me, it is much more likely that this person will continue to like me and not be disappointed about my "real me" at some point, because I always approach someone as myself. Now of course you shouldn't overwhelm them instantly, since, like you already said, you just don't know what they do right at this moment and in which mood they are. So the natural first step is to ask them how they feel, but without sounding stereotype. You don't deserve that someone else cares for you when you don't care for them! Show yourself and ask them in a way that matches the relation you want with them

An rp is always a happy, fun thing, and I like to maintain a positive athmosphere from the first word on! Likewise, when someone approaches me insecurely and tries to be polite, I try to encourage them to be "themselves" so to say, as quickly as possible. Everything else is up to you! For instance I personally like IC-conversations, but this a different story now... ! ;P

[XDDX]

We audition people and their character sheets for tabletop D&D and GURPS games, as well, because we look for specific types of players to fill those roles. It's the same deal with this.

Oh do you do this? In my case it was just "hey can I play with you guys". And they are like "sure, roll a rogue or a fighter then". It was in RL though, and in a place where tabletop games are very rare

I have my own little pet peeve... Do not ask me "How are you". This is a really personal type of a question for me and until I actually feel like sharing something personal with you my reply would be rather cold. I guess it can work differently with other people though. Think of it - maybe I am depressed? Maybe I am upset? Or simply tired? Maybe I am bothered with my job or university issues? Maybe I am bothered about my application somewhere? Do you really think I am going to share it with a stranger?

How are you? You alright? Doing alright, thanks.

If you like you can shorten this to How are you, alright? or just You alright?

Leave it at that and go into conversation =P Nobody actually answers the question in depth and no one is asking you to either.

[Frank]

There are friendly people in the chat, there are also some downright unfriendly people.

If you're new to the chat, spend some time reading profiles: many of these will indicate a player's preference for how they would like to be approached.

Status flags (LFRP etc) can be useful in deciding whether to approach someone, although be aware that some rooms will only show a limited subset of these.

F.