New Story (Updated 8/25) It Came from the Shadows
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This section is for any artist, writer, animator, or any form of creation to share their work in order to receive comment to improve themselves better.
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This section is for any artist, writer, animator, or any form of creation to share their work in order to receive comment to improve themselves better.
Read the rules in detail here
Read the Critiquing suggestion here
Please open only one thread per person. Detail here.
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New Story (Updated 8/25) It Came from the Shadows
My latest story. Audra finds out the legends of the creature that lives in the dark is probably legit.
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Hi everyone. I'm not sure if I'm doing this right. I've posted a few stories and I'm looking for opinions on what I can do better and what I'm doing right. I already feel like I write this much building up to the vore scene and don't go into enough detail during when the victim is being eaten.
I'm also long winded. My last story was 20 pages. Oops.
Do I put the stories in threads here?
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Hi everyone. I'm not sure if I'm doing this right. I've posted a few stories and I'm looking for opinions on what I can do better and what I'm doing right. I already feel like I write this much building up to the vore scene and don't go into enough detail during when the victim is being eaten.
I'm also long winded. My last story was 20 pages. Oops.
Do I put the stories in threads here?
Last edited by gonzodingo on Fri Aug 25, 2023 4:50 pm, edited 11 times in total.
I look at a world gone mad and think to myself "Maybe I'm the crazy one".
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gonzodingo - Somewhat familiar
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Re: Looking for opinions/constructive criticism/critiques
So, I do like that you give your stories substance and character before just getting into the horny parts. Honestly, that's how I wish I could write sometimes. Starting commissions, I found that just giving people the horny can get you money faster so, but since you're starting out I suggest building a community that enjoys what you write currently.
Another thing. Just because its single spaced on the site, I suggest skipping an additional space before paragraphs, like I did here. I get that it's a little extra work and not grammatically correct, but it makes things easier to read, and helps readers not lose their place.
Another thing. Just because its single spaced on the site, I suggest skipping an additional space before paragraphs, like I did here. I get that it's a little extra work and not grammatically correct, but it makes things easier to read, and helps readers not lose their place.
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ConceptCorner01 - Been posting for a bit
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Re: Looking for opinions/constructive criticism/critiques
Mariofreak94 wrote:So, I do like that you give your stories substance and character before just getting into the horny parts. Honestly, that's how I wish I could write sometimes. Starting commissions, I found that just giving people the horny can get you money faster so, but since you're starting out I suggest building a community that enjoys what you write currently.
Another thing. Just because its single spaced on the site, I suggest skipping an additional space before paragraphs, like I did here. I get that it's a little extra work and not grammatically correct, but it makes things easier to read, and helps readers not lose their place.
Thanks for the heads up with the spacing and thanks for the input! I really appreciate it! You're absolutely right about starting a community; that's why I'm trying to get this right.
Commissions must be a whole other type of animal.
I look at a world gone mad and think to myself "Maybe I'm the crazy one".
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gonzodingo - Somewhat familiar
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Re: Looking for opinions/constructive criticism/critiques
Commission's can be summed up by sacrificing what you want to create for money.
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ConceptCorner01 - Been posting for a bit
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Re: Looking for opinions/constructive criticism/critiques
I think your stories are pretty well written, can't think of anything to do better off the top of my head.
To be honest, I actually like it better this way. I know what you mean, that's supposed to be the most important part and it feels like it should be the most polished and detailed.
Maybe that's just me, but I don't really like reading many details about which body part gets lubricated with saliva and slides how deep how fast etc.
I'm all here for the setting, how did it come to this, what's going on in the parties involved, what kind of relationship might exist between them, that kind of stuff.
Once we get to the point where the "main action" starts, I kinda let my imagination take the wheel.
With pictures, animations etc this may be different, but in written stories, details of the vore scene itself are not that important to me.
gonzodingo wrote: I already feel like I write this much building up to the vore scene and don't go into enough detail during when the victim is being eaten.
To be honest, I actually like it better this way. I know what you mean, that's supposed to be the most important part and it feels like it should be the most polished and detailed.
Maybe that's just me, but I don't really like reading many details about which body part gets lubricated with saliva and slides how deep how fast etc.
I'm all here for the setting, how did it come to this, what's going on in the parties involved, what kind of relationship might exist between them, that kind of stuff.
Once we get to the point where the "main action" starts, I kinda let my imagination take the wheel.
With pictures, animations etc this may be different, but in written stories, details of the vore scene itself are not that important to me.
- NamelessLurker
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Re: Looking for opinions/constructive criticism/critiques
NamelessLurker wrote:I think your stories are pretty well written, can't think of anything to do better off the top of my head.gonzodingo wrote: I already feel like I write this much building up to the vore scene and don't go into enough detail during when the victim is being eaten.
To be honest, I actually like it better this way. I know what you mean, that's supposed to be the most important part and it feels like it should be the most polished and detailed.
Maybe that's just me, but I don't really like reading many details about which body part gets lubricated with saliva and slides how deep how fast etc.
I'm all here for the setting, how did it come to this, what's going on in the parties involved, what kind of relationship might exist between them, that kind of stuff.
Once we get to the point where the "main action" starts, I kinda let my imagination take the wheel.
With pictures, animations etc this may be different, but in written stories, details of the vore scene itself are not that important to me.
I appreciate the feedback and the compliments! I love telling a story for the reader, but I love developing characters. I want the reader to connect on some level with the character. Do they like them, hate them? Do they feel bad for them when they meet their demise? Are the satisfied a bad person got what they deserved? That's what I strive for.
So it looks like I'll stick the course.
I look at a world gone mad and think to myself "Maybe I'm the crazy one".
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gonzodingo - Somewhat familiar
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- Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2021 6:16 pm
Re: Looking for opinions/constructive criticism/critiques
Same! Vore scenes with some random (maybe sexy?) characters can be hot, but if all I know is something like "them's hungry" it won't be the same experience as when I have some connection to the characters and know a few things about who they are and what's driving them.
- NamelessLurker
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New Story
Hey all, I posted a new story and was hoping for some feedback, thoughts, etc.
https://aryion.com/g4/view/778919
https://aryion.com/g4/view/778919
I look at a world gone mad and think to myself "Maybe I'm the crazy one".
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gonzodingo - Somewhat familiar
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- Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2021 6:16 pm
Opinions and Critiques - New Story - 5/2
Hey everyone. Posted a new story in "The Man Behind the Bar" series. Thoughts and feedback would really be appreciated.
https://aryion.com/g4/view/780717
https://aryion.com/g4/view/780717
I look at a world gone mad and think to myself "Maybe I'm the crazy one".
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gonzodingo - Somewhat familiar
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- Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2021 6:16 pm
New Story / Trying Something Different
Trying something different. It's a vore story set at the end of a war. Please let me know what you all think.
https://aryion.com/g4/view/786145
https://aryion.com/g4/view/786145
I look at a world gone mad and think to myself "Maybe I'm the crazy one".
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gonzodingo - Somewhat familiar
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Re: New Story (Updated 5/18)
https://aryion.com/g4/view/788398
Part 2 of the war story. Using samples of the creature for R&D. What could possibly go wrong?
Part 2 of the war story. Using samples of the creature for R&D. What could possibly go wrong?
I look at a world gone mad and think to myself "Maybe I'm the crazy one".
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gonzodingo - Somewhat familiar
- Posts: 60
- Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2021 6:16 pm
Re: New Story (Updated 6/3) --Looking for Opinions
https://aryion.com/g4/view/790804
So, this is my latest story. I'm trying to see if this is worth continuing on or keeping it as a one off. The creatures dialogue is a blast to write because he's unfiltered. Please, let me know what you guys think of it.
So, this is my latest story. I'm trying to see if this is worth continuing on or keeping it as a one off. The creatures dialogue is a blast to write because he's unfiltered. Please, let me know what you guys think of it.
I look at a world gone mad and think to myself "Maybe I'm the crazy one".
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gonzodingo - Somewhat familiar
- Posts: 60
- Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2021 6:16 pm
Re: New Story (Updated 6/21) --Looking for Opinions
https://aryion.com/g4/view/796079
I'm attempting something different with this story. I usually write very dialogue heavy stories, so I wanted to see how I could do with a short story that has no dialogue at all. It's a short read, probably because I had no dialogue. Let me know what you guys think of it!
I'm attempting something different with this story. I usually write very dialogue heavy stories, so I wanted to see how I could do with a short story that has no dialogue at all. It's a short read, probably because I had no dialogue. Let me know what you guys think of it!
I look at a world gone mad and think to myself "Maybe I'm the crazy one".
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gonzodingo - Somewhat familiar
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- Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2021 6:16 pm
Re: New Story (Updated 11/8) --Looking for Opinions
Hello all, hope everyone is well. It's been a while since I posted anything. It's not for lack of trying, I have a 20 page story my computer messed up and corrupted the file, a shorter story I scrapped because I hit the creative wall and this, my throw away story. Hopefully I can get back into the swing of things. As always, I look forward to opinions/comments. Enjoy!
https://aryion.com/g4/view/838746
https://aryion.com/g4/view/838746
I look at a world gone mad and think to myself "Maybe I'm the crazy one".
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gonzodingo - Somewhat familiar
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Re: New Story (Updated 2/22) --Looking for Opinions
I look at a world gone mad and think to myself "Maybe I'm the crazy one".
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gonzodingo - Somewhat familiar
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- Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2021 6:16 pm
Re: New Story (Updated 4/11) --Looking for Opinions
I tried something new with this story that I threw together rather quickly. As always, looking for any feedback anyone may have.
https://aryion.com/g4/view/883191
https://aryion.com/g4/view/883191
I look at a world gone mad and think to myself "Maybe I'm the crazy one".
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gonzodingo - Somewhat familiar
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- Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2021 6:16 pm
Re: New Story (Updated 5/5) --Looking for Opinions
Tried to switch it up with the prey, and this is a little harder than what I usually write. Let me know what you all think.
https://aryion.com/g4/view/890206
https://aryion.com/g4/view/890206
I look at a world gone mad and think to myself "Maybe I'm the crazy one".
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gonzodingo - Somewhat familiar
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Re: New Story (Updated 6/12) -- Winged Devourer
https://aryion.com/g4/view/901821
A very quick story that is an ode to the thing that got me into vore: the winged devourers from Beastmaster.
Do you remember what got you into this?
As always opinions, critiques, feedback, etc. is welcome!
A very quick story that is an ode to the thing that got me into vore: the winged devourers from Beastmaster.
Do you remember what got you into this?
As always opinions, critiques, feedback, etc. is welcome!
I look at a world gone mad and think to myself "Maybe I'm the crazy one".
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gonzodingo - Somewhat familiar
- Posts: 60
- Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2021 6:16 pm
Re: New Story (Updated 8/4) -- Game Over
I look at a world gone mad and think to myself "Maybe I'm the crazy one".
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gonzodingo - Somewhat familiar
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- Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2021 6:16 pm
Re: New Story (Updated 8/25) It Came from the Shadows
I look at a world gone mad and think to myself "Maybe I'm the crazy one".
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gonzodingo - Somewhat familiar
- Posts: 60
- Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2021 6:16 pm
20 posts
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