Please give me advice on my unfinished draft.

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Please give me advice on my unfinished draft.

Postby Ixtili » Sun Aug 29, 2021 5:50 am

People who like unwilling prey and fatal vore tell me what you think of this scenario I've stitched together from my journal. Advice on how to improve it/finish it/expand on it in a satisfying way. Would be very much appreciated. I initially put this on my blog because writing in an online environment sometimes makes me a marginally better editor but then I realised it's basically at the point where asking people to give opinions/suggestions might be prudent. So here it is. Yes it's basically a more solid version of the Villain/Hero scenario I proposed like a day or two ago. Good spotting.

Note: one real problem with me when writing, especially when writing vore or other horny stuff. Is the use of chronic rewriting and rewording in place of wholesale linear paragraph by paragraph story telling. What this means is a lot of my journal entries are actually the same scene or series of scenes with only slight variations in wording or tone. This is my attempt to stitch together more than one of these snippets. So it will probably sound weird.

Note: The following story contains: Willing Predator, Unwilling Prey, Villain Predator, Hero Prey, Male Predator, Female Prey, Minotaur Predator, Human Prey, Impending Fatal Vore and Impending Digestion that with become actual Fatal Vore and Digestion once I've finished writing. Possessive and Obsessive Behaviour, Talking to Prey, Prey being someone who does not really deserve their fate and once I learn how to sneak it in Mutual Pining. Thanks to Tassie for suggesting I tag this.

The Minotaur swallows her hungrily, taking his time to savour the hero who has evaded his jaws for so long. By this point they knew each other well, but he felt as if it was only now that he held her helpless in his jaws that he was showing her his true self. He tries not to be rough or at least no rougher than he needs to be to ensure she remains his. If his vengeful frustration at never catching her had disapated over the years, then in this moment it wholly evaporated. He felt no lingering malice towards her ,how could he? When a simple taste of her made him feel like this?

He traces her writhing whimpering form as she is pulled down his esophagus, She drops like a stone into his expectant belly causing his guts to lurch and groan. Auran gently places an enormous clawed hand on his distended stomach. Letting out a masculine belch so deep it sounds like a monstrous roar. The Minotaur King leans back on his throne, feeling his adversaries movement both within his belly and against his palm, a contented sigh leaves his lips before he can catch it.

Rose could scarcely acknowledge her circumstances so absurd was it to think that she had been devoured by her nemesis. She felt the villain press against her confined form. A rumbling belch resounding all around her, disorienting her with both it's strength and the primal terror it threatened to unlock if she acknowledged what it said about her predicament. This could not be happening and yet it already was. Under such overwhelming circumstances all she can think to do is fight.

"Exquisite" he purrs approvingly as he feels her kick and flail panicked and frantic inside him. He sighs again, eyes half-lidded in savoured pleasure. Her muffled screaming as sweet to him as every other part of her. It was hard to believe this was the same untouchable woman that had alluded him for so long. "Being mine suits you" He noted teasingly, stroking his groaning stomach while his sweet doomed hero only fights harder in response. Auran felt another belch rise unbidden from his throat "Uurrrrp~"

He glanced down and caught her form pressing out of him frantically, seeking release from her prison that will never come. He runs his firm hands over her, squashing down on the evidence of her form, forcing her back into the anonymity of his rounded gut. He belches crassly before giving a wry chuckle. He fondly thinks about how much he's going to miss the game of cat and mouse between them but knows he would not give up this feeling of fulfilment and warmth for anything.

"Let me out you creep!" She yells, perhaps finally relising the futility of attempting to escape under her own power. He considers just ignoring her, after all, as much as he loves their chats, this time there's truly nothing she can do or say to stop him. It seems particularly cruel to give his adversary false hope. But he enjoys their talks too much to resist, he wants to talk with her one last time. Still he resolves to ensure she is under no illusions about her fate. "Mnnnn, no, I don't think I will, your mine now hero. Nothing more than food to be enjoyed and digested by a hungry predator." He kneaded his gurgling belly as he said it jostling her in playful emphasis. "Tell me how does it feel hero? Mnnnph, to truly be mine? To know that there's nothing you can do to stop me from claiming your body and soul for myself?" He wants to hear her admit that she's his, that she knows it and accepts it but he knows her too well to think that's the response she'll actually give him.

TBC

Note: Okay that's as much as I'm transcribing today. My journal is confusing and trying to stitch something together out of multiple takes is hard. So I'm gonna try again later. Bye.

My main problem with this, aside from how it's not yet finished, is how to make the hero less of a side character in her own demise and how to pace things out so Auran can get in as much depraved unhinged monologuing as possible. Any suggestions on how to do that would be great. Also the tense right now is weird and I'm not sure I like.
Last edited by Ixtili on Thu Sep 02, 2021 8:38 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: People who like unwilling fatal vore tell me what you th

Postby Tassie » Mon Aug 30, 2021 2:46 am

There used to be a sort of writers' circle here and it was very useful for all sorts of reasons and the people were very professional, but sadly, it has since broken up. Helpful and motivating, I miss it quite a lot.

I will read this soon and write a sort of critique for you. I hope it will be helpful, but right now, I need to sleep, so it will have to be tomorrow, maybe later, sorry. I have work in the morning and really shouldn't be up this late.
Sorry, I know I'm not a great writer, but I want to try to be useful when I can be.
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Re: People who like unwilling fatal vore tell me what you th

Postby Ixtili » Mon Aug 30, 2021 5:19 am

Tassie wrote:There used to be a sort of writers' circle here and it was very useful for all sorts of reasons and the people were very professional, but sadly, it has since broken up. Helpful and motivating, I miss it quite a lot.

I will read this soon and write a sort of critique for you. I hope it will be helpful, but right now, I need to sleep, so it will have to be tomorrow, maybe later, sorry. I have work in the morning and really shouldn't be up this late.
Sorry, I know I'm not a great writer, but I want to try to be useful when I can be.


I would not worry if you don't think your the best writer, I'd be happy just to get someone else's perspective on things.
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Re: People who like unwilling fatal vore tell me what you th

Postby Noxyoursox » Mon Aug 30, 2021 2:32 pm

I'd advise picking one tense and using it consistently, this is switching between past and present a lot. If you want the hero to have more importance, maybe a little bit of why she was opposing him and what she stands to lose here (apart from her life). People don't become nemeses over small things. Maybe more of her physical experience as well. I really like the Minotaur King's personality so far though! Looking forward to seeing more of this!
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Re: People who like unwilling fatal vore tell me what you th

Postby Ixtili » Mon Aug 30, 2021 8:18 pm

Noxyoursox wrote:I'd advise picking one tense and using it consistently, this is switching between past and present a lot. If you want the hero to have more importance, maybe a little bit of why she was opposing him and what she stands to lose here (apart from her life). People don't become nemeses over small things. Maybe more of her physical experience as well. I really like the Minotaur King's personality so far though! Looking forward to seeing more of this!


More world building and physical description. Got it, I can do that. I've always struggled with consistency when it comes to tense, so I'm not sure how much of it I'll be able to catch on my own but I'll give it a go. Also I do want to eventually have both the predator and preys perspective so any advice you have on good ways to juggle perspective would also be appreciated.
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Re: People who like unwilling fatal vore tell me what you th

Postby Tassie » Mon Aug 30, 2021 10:58 pm

Wow, today was busy. This is my first day on a new job, so I'm a little overwhelmed myself, sorry. I'm reading and making notes at the same time, so I'll try to get as much of the most useful advice in here as I can before I fall asleep. Sorry.

First and foremost, before the story even begins, LABELING a story is critical important here on this site. I learned this the hard way, so I hope you won't have to. Normally, books and novels from well known authors are averse to spoiling the story endings, but this site is very different. Telling readers what happens and why they should (or should not) read your story will serve to draw the kind of attention you want from readers into the same thing as what you're writing, and warn off potential readers whom would be irritated by investing time into a story only for it to turn into something they're avoiding.

Regarding stories sounding too much alike, I feel the same way, and I'm certain a lot of other writers do as well. After a while, the same small plot of "character one gets eaten by character two," can end up worn into a dull rut. Keeping it fresh and interesting is always the challenge, and when done right, it is the true joy in a story.

Getting in to the actual story, there are some minor spelling errors, and I noticed some missing punctuation; I feel bad to say this, but confusing or incorrectly used words really hurt writing, especially in short stories. Sorry.
Finding help with editing and proofreading would be an immense help, even if it is a hard way to learn. Experience can be a harsh teacher.

The instant dive into the main scene is, perhaps a little disorienting, but as it is rarely used, it could be an intriguing way to set your writing, or at least this first story, as different. The scene is simple and efficient with no preamble or lead-up. Be careful with overusing any plot device or will end up feeling flat and 'same' as well.

The tense feels awkward, so I'm glad it was mentioned in another post so I know it isn't just me, overly-accustomed to writing in past-tense.

The story is also short to the point of feeling like a disjointed piece of a much larger story, so that leaves you with opportunity to expand upon it later. This is where the conversation with the hero ('heroine'?) could help to explain why they're such enemies and how she ended up trapped.
If Auran is the type to torment his prey, taunting her and sloshing her around as she's covered in acidic digestive liquids and deprived of breathable air would be the perfect medium for further explanation. The minotaur needling her with hints and details of the backstory would make the characters much more relatable. Not everyone will agree with me, but without at least a little more information, the characters both feel flat and empty.

I hope this is what you're looking for and I hope this is useful and constructive.

TH
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Re: People who like unwilling fatal vore tell me what you th

Postby Ixtili » Tue Aug 31, 2021 2:41 am

Okay so labelling, was unsure if I should do that given this is a draft and subject to change but thinking about it your right that it's better to be safe than sorry than risk offending someone so I'll put another authors note at the top of the draft after I've replied to you.

Regarding repetition, I'm glad to hear I'm not alone in struggling with it, it makes it seem more manageable somehow.

Diving into the main scene is more a result of my own impaitiance than a proper storytelling strategy. I actually hope to write the conflict leading up to Rose being swallowed, as well as a more detailed look at the experience from her perspective. I'll likely also submit a draft of that here once I have sufficient material. Because like tense, action is not my greatest strength when writing.

Your idea of weaving the exposition of their history into Auran's monologuing is a great one, I hope to eventually make their villain/hero relationship archetypal but not entirely generic and specifics will no doubt help with that. Although I admit I do fret a lot about how much specifics I can get away with before alienating the people just reading for the Vore. I want to go into a lot of detail about how long these two have been fighting and how their relationship has gotten more complex with time but I worry about striking the right balance.

I also worrying that doing the world building for the setting will distract from the archetypal nature. The world I envision is one where Rose is a saviour of a land and people that are not her own. In a very dangerous and predatory Jumaji/Adventure Time like environment. Auran is a King by this worlds standards but by our worlds standards he's more of a Warlord. Bringing some semblance of Order and Civilization to a world where eat or be eaten is the way of things. In some ways he truly is the card carrying villain of the story and his goals would cause the subjugation and misery of many.

But in other ways his actions would free his own race from a life of hunting, gathering and warring that has almost destroyed them in the past. Without the context of our own planets lack of inter species communication. The idea that he should try to limit himself to using non-sapients as food or even the notion that there are creatures specifically suited to agricultural roles has yet to fully be realised, he's not necessarily uneducated by Minotaur standards in fact I'd say he's better spoken and read than the majority of his species.

But his world view is limited by his environment. Meanwhile Rose is the only human in the setting and just as shaped by her original world's view of things. Though she has grown up both physically and mentally over the past six years, when she first arrived she was around 14 and had a very innocent view of how the world should be. Her prescence has given confidence and strength to factions and races that were initially perceived as dying or subjugated. It cannot be said that what she did for these groups was a bad thing. However easy prey in an ecosystem as brutal as this settings is something more organised groups rely on and the fundamental difference in morality made peaceful resolution nearly impossible.

Minotaurs are a society of warriors and hunters, Auran admires both worthy opponents and difficult prey. Both of which he considers Rose to be. But they've been fighting for so long that there's more to it than that. Frankly in simple terms he's Yandere for her and the attraction is not entirely one sided but due to many many extenuating circumstances from Auran's own megalomania, to Rose's common sense and integrity that mutual attraction is something that won't end at all healthily or happily.

Or at least that's what I've thought of so far. There's also an Amulet of Power that marks Rose as The Hero rather than a random heroine, this may or may not be a ploy by me to avoid misspelling heroine as heroin everytime I write it. The Amulet has been disabled so Auran can devour her in this story. I'm at a loss currently for how to explain any of this in a natural way. So suggestions on that front would also be welcome.

Edit: Also like I mentioned before I have ALOT of versions of their interactions in my journal, some that are more blatantly erotic where Rose is reluctantly enjoying the less life threatening aspects of this experience and some where Auran is way more blatant about the dere part of Yandere. Also one version where Rose is a dense anime protagonist who writes off the erotic parts of being vored as wholly unintentional on Auran's part and just an unfortunate result of her horny imagination. Drafting is very hard for me cause I have to decide on a coherent and consistent version of events. Also this is a Vore website so some of the blatantly horny takes I'm alittle shy about posting. At the same time I do think those version might help with the personality issues you mentioned. Kinda torn not gonna lie. ^^;
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Re: People who like unwilling fatal vore tell me what you th

Postby Ixtili » Wed Sep 01, 2021 3:36 am

Note: The following story contains: Willing Predator, Unwilling Prey, Villain Predator, Hero Prey, Male Predator, Female Prey, Minotaur Predator, Human Prey, Impending Fatal Vore and Impending Digestion that with become actual Fatal Vore and Digestion once I've finished writing. Possessive and Obsessive Behaviour, Talking to Prey, Prey being someone who does not really deserve their fate and once I learn how to sneak it in Mutual Pining. Thanks to Tassie for suggesting I tag this to warn people.

The Minotaur's jaws engulf her hungrily, careful to avoid nicking her with his sharp fangs, for while his head resembled a bovine's, his teeth most assuredly did not. She taste's so good he almost swallows her on reflex. But he retains the prescence of mind necessary to control himself. If his vengeful frustration at her thwarting him had dissipated over the years, then in this moment, it wholly evaporated. He felt no lingering malice towards her, how could he? When the simplest taste of her made him feel like this?

Taking his time to savour the hero who has evaded him for so long. He runs his tongue along her, marvelling at the feel of her skin and the shape of her body. In the heat of combat such exploration would have seen him soundly punished for not taking her seriously. But with the Amulet out of the way he can savour these intimate details. She squirms in his jaws, palms pushing on the roof of his mouth, kicking feet seeking the momentum necessary to escape. Everytime she makes something akin to progress he simply slurps her back inside. He feels as if he could do this forever, but he knows that with his foe's luck, every second he puts off ending things, is a second the universe takes as an invitation to deny him his prize. His stomach gives a fierce growl, he gulps firmly, tracing her writhing whimpering form as she slides down his oesophagus. Today he's in no mood to be denied.

She drops like a stone into his expectant belly causing his guts to lurch and groan. Auran gently places an enormous clawed hand on his distended stomach. Letting out a masculine belch so deep it sounds like a monstrous roar. The Minotaur King leans back on his throne, feeling his adversaries movement both within his belly and against his palm, a contented sigh leaves his lips before he can catch it.

Rose could scarcely acknowledge her circumstances so absurd was it to think that she had been devoured by her nemesis. She felt the villain press against her confined form. A rumbling belch resounding all around her, disorienting her with both it's strength and the primal terror it threatened to unlock if she acknowledged what it said about her predicament. This could not be happening and yet it already was. Under such overwhelming circumstances all she can think to do is fight.

"Exquisite" he purrs approvingly as he feels her kick and flail panicked and frantic inside him. He sighs again, eyes half-lidded in savoured pleasure. Her muffled screaming as sweet to him as every other part of her. It was hard to believe this was the same untouchable woman that had alluded him for so long. "Being mine suits you" He noted teasingly, stroking his groaning stomach while his sweet doomed hero only fights harder in response. Auran felt another belch rise unbidden from his throat "Uurrrrp~"

He glanced down and caught her form pressing out of him frantically, seeking release from her prison that will never come. He runs his firm hands over her, squashing down on the evidence of her form, forcing her back into the anonymity of his rounded gut. He belches crassly before giving a wry chuckle. He fondly thinks about how much he's going to miss the game of cat and mouse between them but knows he would not give up this feeling of fulfilment and warmth for anything.

"Let me out you creep!" She yells, perhaps finally relising the futility of attempting to escape under her own power. He considers just ignoring her, after all, as much as he loves their chats, this time there's truly nothing she can do or say to stop him. It seems particularly cruel to give his adversary false hope. But he enjoys their talks too much to resist, he wants to talk with her one last time. Still he resolves to ensure she is under no illusions about her fate. "Mnnnn, no, I don't think I will, your mine now hero. Nothing more than food to be enjoyed and digested by a hungry predator." He kneaded his gurgling belly as he said it jostling her in playful emphasis. "Tell me how does it feel hero? Mnnnph, to truly be mine? To know that there's nothing you can do to stop me from claiming your body and soul for myself?" He wants to hear her admit that she's his, that she knows it and accepts it but he knows her too well to think that's the response she'll actually give him.

TBC

Note: This is a mildly edited version of the draft that includes the warning tags suggested by Tassie + a slightly more descriptive "opening" and some spelling correction. It's still not finished and I still can't stick to a tense. I also think in some ways my first draft flowed better but that's what happens when you stitch paragraphs together willy nilly like I'm doing. It is far, Faaar from complete. But it's somewhat more complete than it's predecessor it's just growing backwards into the past rather than forwards. I warn you now that's a common thing with my editing process. So if ya'll just snuck in for the fatal tag you might have to wait awhile yet. ^^;
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Re: People who like unwilling fatal vore tell me what you th

Postby Ixtili » Thu Sep 02, 2021 3:18 am

Note: When I said my journal is filled with conflicting versions of the same story, I really was not joking. I've reached a current dead end with the more holistic draft I'm working on. This is me writing old concepts down again to see if anything in them will help me with the direction of that draft. Continuity is not very decided and depending on what I find I might rewrite my main draft to better reflect the continuity of older ideas or convert older ideas into newer ones. Everything shown is subject to modification so if any poor soul actually reads these and you like something from the earlier concept stage you might want to tell me given I'm mostly going off my own asethetic judgement for what makes it into the main draft. So if there's something you like there's absolutely no gurantee I'll think to include it.

Warning: The following snippets contain Unwilling Prey, Female Prey, Mentions of Impending or in some cases actual digestion. Helplessness, Conflicted Arousal, Sexual Themes, Minotaur Pred, Male Pred, Willing Pred, Yandere Pred, Fatal Vore, Introspection, Nudity, Digestion, Possessive and Obsessive Behaviour, Hints of Interspecies Attraction, Magic Fuckery, Talking To Prey, Prey Talking Back, Is it still Praise Kink if it's terrifying? Burping Up Objects, The Object Is A Skull, There Is One Post Digestion Snippet Where The Pred Refuses To Give Up The Preys Skull For Proper Burial Cause I Was Not Kidding When I Called Him Possessive He Eats It In Front Of Her Friends It's Messed Up Even By My Standards, I Promise I Have Some Standards, But These Snippets Do Not. Also these are separate repetitive continuities in case that was not clear.

Snippet 1: In which there is mind control, dissonant affection and Rose has enough common sense to not get where Auran is coming from.

She moaned inspite of herself as digestive ichour rose around her. Some small sensible part of her knew she should be fighting off the Kings manipulative magics, his persuasiveness had ever been one of the most daunting aspects of her fights with him, sometimes she felt like he could talk her into not raising a finger against him if she did not remain focused at all times. But another part, the part that believed there really was no escape took solace in her pain being numbed and overwritten with pleasure. "That's it" The Kings rumbling voice spoke encouragingly. "Let me take care of you" The warmth in his voice was unmistakably and all the more dissonant for that fact. She had never understood the monster who could hold sophisticated conversations while trying to kill her and her friends. Now that she was more than ever at his nonexistent mercy. She could only guess that perhaps he had a warped understanding of death.

Snippet 2: Dialogue from a version of events where Auran is somewhat more meta aware and Rose trusts him enough to not believe he'd actually do her serious harm. There is also more of a villain of the week set up here. Whereas I'd say the main timeline in my current draft is the sort of world where the heroes are in an ongoing conflict with a larger organised force.

"You can't be serious! Let me out!"

"Mnnnph~ To think the Amulet's Great Chosen should meet her end in my stomach, I'm honoured."

"This isn't funny Auran! Let me out!"

"I'm almost tempted to do so. You've been a constant prescence in my life since you arrived. It would be so simple to go back to the same routine, to stay within my role, be just another villain you beat up and turn your back on. But I'm tired Rose, tired of sharing, tired of being left outside with my nose pressed up against the glass, I don't want redemption, I don't want to be your enemy, I want you, all of you, ever last piece of your existence."

Snippet 3: Literally just Auran monologuing

"I was serious, when I asked you to join me, you know? But you were right to deny me. Mnnmph~ Now that I have you at my mercy, I realise how naive I was to believe I could ever hold back. Your simply too wonderful and I'm going to destroy you utterly my dear"

Snippet 4: A very familiar version of events with only slight deviation, the snippet for you if you enjoy spot the difference games.

Auran chuckled warmly, squashing her wriggling form down into the anonymity of his groaning gut. Letting out a low masculine belch.

Rose could scarcely comprehend the enormity of her circumstances. So absurd was it to acknowledge, that she had been devoured by the Minotaur King. This couldn't be happening and yet it already was. Auran sighed in pleased satisfaction as he patted his bloated stomach, content in the knowledge that his lovely adversary would never escape him. "Mnnnn exquisite" He purred, rubbing circles into his gurgling stomach, kneading digestive acid into the bare form of his "guest".

"No stop! Please" She yelled and struggled.

Causing him to let out another rumbling belch that only stole air and shrank her prison.

"Uuuurrrp~ Mnnnnn, Careful my dear, you won't last very long, if you wear yourself out." He warned her good naturedly.

"Let me out! Right now!"

"Mnnn? No, I don't think I will." He said, admiring his round gut as he stroke her through his fur and flesh. "Your mine now hero and I'm going to do what I always promised you I would if I ever caught you: eat you up and spit out your bones"

"You have no idea how long I've been looking forward to this." He confessed.

"I've wanted to devour you since we met, but I know you have such a shallow notion of what that truly means" He placed his hand against the top of her head, patting her, inadvertently her down into his digestive acids. She made a cute noise of distress, kicking and pushing uselessly in response. "Ah, your struggling feels wonderful. It's amazing to think the strong and brave woman I so love will be reduced to bellyfat before the night is over"

"Nothing more than food for a hungry predator, Uuuurp!" He chuckled jostling his gut teasingly "How does it feel? Mmnnnph~ To truly be mine?

"It's freeing isn't it? Having no say in your fate. Leaving all the agency and choice to me. You can lie to yourself and your friends. But you can't lie to me. You want to be mine. Now, be a good girl and digest for me."

Snippet 5: In which Auran admits he likes that Rose is a bratty sub.

He huffed in approval, as he felt his doomed prey struggle with all her determination and might. He belched loudly and gave his round gut an appreciative rub. It was a shame she was ultimately making digestion easier for him. But her strength in the face of certain death was beautiful. He wondered if she realised how gods damn attractive her futile defiance was to him?

Snippet 6: Auran displays a smidgeon of self awareness on why being a voracious Yandere is actually kind of tragic. Also in this version they were seeing each other behind everyone else's back and have collaborated before against mutual threats.

Auran sighs contentedly leaning back against his throne, as his long time adversary, part time ally, secret lover and best friend struggles and yells inside his rounded gurgling stomach. This is it, she's really here, his to enjoy, his to steal away. He has the upper hand and he won't relinquish it or her, not for anything. "I love you" he thinks softly to himself, unable to tell her aloud, not after everything he's done and everything he's doing. But as his stomach destroys her and he savours his victory, he allows himself a brief window of admission, unsullied by megalomania; he loves her and he'll miss her, but there's no way he'd ever let her go.

Snippet 7: More self aware lamenting about being a Yandere

The Minotaur sighs in contentment, she's precisely where he wants her now and claiming her body and soul is a simple matter of sitting back on his throne and allowing his belly to show his "guest" her place. He's dreamt of this day for a long time and he intends to savour his victory to the fullest. His only true regret is that his adversary can't share in his delight, can't see what she means to him.

Snippet 8: Depowered Rose does not like her chances against a larger, heavier, mythological creature. For context Rose is about a fourth of Auran's size.

Rose feels naked before this enormous monster with the Amulet's strength. It highlights how terrifying Auran truly is, for as familiar as he has become to her that does not make him any less dangerous. She looks for a way out, an opening an opportunity, she's good at finding those, at stalling for time, at using the Minotaur's own obsession with her against him. Yet today her instincts offer her no outs. Nothing to reach for or utilise. Some dark cynical part of her is not surprised by this, but she elects to ignore it. Cynicism is a poison that will kill her faster than her opponent. She manages to dodge him at first, but without the supernatural strength of the Amulet dodging is all she can safely do. His size and weight alone give him a huge advantage. Running away, is also a terrible idea, at this distance his strides would outpace her initial sprint. When he lunges she sprints towards rather than away. But he does not move where she thinks he will, having feigned his initial lunge she makes a distressed noise of surprise as she finds herself encased in his fist.

Snippet 9: More Rose in compromising circumstances, talk about chewing that does not take actually take place.

The teeth beyond his bovine features are sharp and she braces herself to be chewed or crunched in his powerful jaws. She is left confused when the pain does not immediately come. His mouth wraps around her lower body warm, slimy and firm he pays her rebellious kicks little mind. Without the Amulet's strength it's distressing how powerless she is before him, she feels humiliated, but also ashamed as though she were letting her foe down by letting him see her like this. This is happening, she's in his mouth, it is not the first time he's threatened to eat her but it is the first time she's allowed it to get this far. She's alarmed fully expecting his teeth to sink into her vulnerable flesh, once the King as had his fill of taunting her? Tasting her? Both? The King gives a firm swallow, tugging insistently at her lower body, Her eyes widen and her stomach drops as it dawns on her that he intends to swallow her whole. Her hopes for a quick death are dashed, she's heard horror stories about the prey Minotaur's deign to swallow alive. She calls his name pleadingly, tries to entreat him with familiarity, to get her to see him as a worthy opponent,deserving of a quick merciful death. His tongue undulates and curls behind her cupping around her head and shoulders pushing and pulling her further in. The rumbling sound of approval that reverberates around and through her. Tells her all she needs to know about how he sees her.

Snippet 10: Rose is turned on and thinks she is the only one turned on. She is not and there's mentions of Minotaur dick I'm sorry. This is basically Rose going "Stupid sexy Flanders", Auran is not being subtle, Rose is just dense.

His mouth is soft and warm, she can't quite surpress the warmth in her face when his large tongue tastes between her legs. She finds it incredibly unfair that the bastard can do this to her without suffering any kind of hormonal repercussions himself. Just a predator platonically tasting it's prey. In her precarious position she remains oblivious to her foe's stiffening cock and the fact the low moans that surround her are only partially culinary in nature.

Snippet 11: Auran enjoying having Rose in his mouth a lot.

Auran loves how she wriggles and writhes completely at his mercy. Her taste is exquisite but the true treat is her shape, he never gets to hold her except in violence and yet now that she's helpless he can enjoy her fully. He teases her with his tongue and is rewarded with sounds of indignant but recognisable pleasure. Lust, greed and gluttony intertwine inside his heart and he's struck by the thought that he needs more of her. All of her. He's dreamed of taking her as a mate despite knowing at this size such a think would likely be impossible. He's dreamed of having her at his mercy keeping her as a prisoner or a slave. Sometimes he's even dared to imagine her as his ally his equal.

But he knows very well that this is the only way he can truly gurantee he keeps her.

Snippet 12: Rose getting distracted by the sexy during the initial encounter that results in Vore.

Not for the first time Rose curses the fact that her enemy is objectively kind of hot. With abs you could use as a washboard and a suitably villainess voice that if she he'd been from her world he could probably have used for ASMR. She thought it suggested some thing truly awful about her present situation that the closest equivalent to a human male for her to lust over was her definitely not human archenemy. It did not help that thanks to what she strongly suspects are the long term side effects of life as a superhero she sometimes feels closer to him than her own friends.

Snippet 14: Auran talking very persuasively during digestion.

"Mnnnph, digest for me" He growls, holding his groaning stomach with both hands, feeling her beginning to succumb to him. "That's it, let me take everything from you" He sighs "I refuse to share even the barest traces of you, you're mine." As if to prove his declaration, after one last futile attempt to hold together Rose's body and soul gave out.

Snippet 15: More Persuasive Hannibal Lecturing During Digestion And Implications That Rose Is Reluctantly Into It

Rose felt the villain's belch right down to her toes, she felt his hands pressing in on her confined form. She was aghast at the indignity of her situation. Yet beneath the disbelief and primal terror of her present situation was something else entirely. When he called her his something inside her believed him.

"You don't want to be saved" He sighed out, giving her another fond caress as his stomach acids pooled around her and his muscles bore down on her.

"It's alright, mnnnn, I won't tell anyone, your secret is safe with me. I don't even intend to admit to being your tomb, although, given out history, uurrrrp~! Your foolish friends will likely guess your fate." He stroked his growling gut with a wry chuckle as she kicked desperately. Meanwhile acid continued to rise about her. "Mnnn yes, keep struggling! Fight me to the bitter end like always! Deny me, even at the cost of denying yourself. Mmnnph, I'll ensure none of it matters in the end." It was as much a promise as it was a taunt. Rose tried to push and press out of her compacting prison, digestive liquid already up to her chest. She arches up calling his name desperately and is pushed fondly back into the muck for her efforts. An accompanying air stealing belch ensues a moment after. He patted her weakening form almost consolingly. "It's alright my love just alittle longer."

Snippet 16: A version of Rose with self esteem issues is already digested. Auran is being a projecting dick to her grieving friends. He accidentally coughed up a skull when confronted about where she was and he won't let them have it.

"Rose" The closest prey creature lamented softly, making to approach the skull of it's deceased companion. Auran growled putting his hand over the object. "She's not yours,do not presume to take even this much of her from me! While you all were otherwise engaged, I was digesting your supposed hero alive. If you wanted to save her, you shouldn't have let me get so close. You knew what I wanted, but you still let me have her! Your cowards and even if your cowardice let me her. I can't help but despise you for it." He picked the skull up, opened his mouth and shoved it back inside his jaws. A sickening series of crunches wringing out as he chewed and swallowed his eyes never leaving theirs. It felt good to vent at them, though he was incapable of feeling remorse for devouring the woman he loved. But there was a part of him that still needed someone to blame.

Edit: After much rereading I've determined that snippet 8, 9 and 10 are eligible material for paragraph stitching. I will likely perform said paragraph stitching sometime tomorrow. If anyone would like to give input on something from the snippets they think I should try to weave into the main draft or even something they believe I should keep out of the main draft speak now or forever hold your peace...I'm joking, this will be rewritten many times over, even after all relevant context has been implemented. Because paragraph stitching inevitably results in increasingly deteriorating tense and unnecessary repetition. Wish me luck.
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Re: Please give me advice on my unfinished draft.

Postby Ixtili » Thu Sep 02, 2021 10:38 pm

Note: I suck at explaining stuff in my stories and after I stitch together snippet 8,9 and 10. I'm probably going to go back even further in time to the dreaded introductory paragraph. So this post is just notes to remind me about continuity that is already decided.

1. The world is called Pangaea
2. Rose's friends are Flightless Bipedal LemurBat things (Actually called Neathians)
3. The Amulet is either the Polynesian sign for strength and protection or the Celtic symbol with all the spirals. I'm undecided.
4. The Amulet has a Magical Girl Transformation
5. Rose arrived when she was 14 and has been in Pangaea for 6 years which would mean she's now 20 she has never made it home in all that time. Despite searching for a way out. Kinda nightmarish to grow into an adult on a death world isn't it?
6. Rose has short red hair, purple eyes and tanned skin due to the climate and strength of the sun. She is petite for an adult female but not unreasonably so, since this is a fetish site I'm obligated to warn you that she has pretty pathetic breasts, which while perhaps disappointing to some is ultimately a good thing because the people she lives with don't really have bra's. That's more a Minotaur thing, than a Flightless Bipedal LemurBat thing. She does have nice hips though.
7. Auran is trying to unit and uplift his people, from nomadic warring tribalism to farming, slaving and agriculture. He's made a lot of progress. But is impeded by the interference of Rose in aiding the rebellion of potential slaves, vassals and livestock. As well as more traditional elements in his own people who believe for various reasons that an easier life would be unmanly or dishonourable.
8. Auran is both someone who is a product of his environment and upbringing. Who believes in and is shaped very strongly by the ways of his people and someone who seeks to find a balance between those ways and a better future. From the perspective of his world he's an idealistic. From the perspective of the Neathians he's an existential threat who could see them all bred on farms and led to slaughterhouses in some terrifying dystopian future.
9. The "prey" species of Pangaea are perhaps more realistic than most vore settings in that, much like their real world counterparts. They can and will try to take down those who try to eat them. Ain't no respect for the circle of life here. Fuck the circle of life, that's Minotaur propaganda.
10. There are threats to ALL LIFE on Pangaea that crop up sometimes and groups in the Jungle that would usually be fighting have come together to fight against such threats.
11. I feel like Auran's colouring is grey or white or silver but without a visual reference it's hard to decide on that. Might do some sketching or image browsing to make that decision.
12. Pangaea very much is a Death World. Minotaur's have been around for a long time and they are only now trying to get organised in a big way because it literally was not feasible to innovate in a sociological way for Millenia. Due to how damn hard it is to step out of your mud hut and not die a thousand different ways. Minotaur's are a very adaptive and strong predator but even they struggle against the sheer variety of things that want to kill you. The Minotaur's main advantage aside from their size and strength. Is the fact that they are intelligent. There are more intelligent species on Pangaea than Earth and intelligence is not the haxx it is for humanity. But in a biome as consistently deadly as the Pangaean Jungle the ability to improvise and innovate is nothing to sneeze at.
13. Neathians can also innovate although unlike Minotaur's, their solutions are generally built around defence and stealth rather than aggression. They are built for tree dwelling unlike the bulky Minotaur's. Their value as a prey species is in the disparity between their strength and the Minotaur's strength and paradoxically the fact that they are intelligent: it's easier to "tame" Neathians than much of the other wildlife present on Pangaea.
14. So yeah Rose has basically been taking on a huge responsibility as a protector and leader for a race of subjugated and hunted creatures. In a stressful and alien environment.
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Re: Please give me advice on my unfinished draft.

Postby Ixtili » Thu Sep 09, 2021 12:15 am

More draft stuff

Warning: Pointless. Also Talk of Implied Soul Vore

She is the closest thing he has to an equal, the closest thing he has to a friend. He knows that this will destroy that unspoken connection in ways nothing he's done previously can match. But he can't help but chaff at the distance between them. He no longer wants to be her enemy. But it's far too late to be anything else. He's intimately familiar with parts of her no one else will ever see. But it is not enough. He wants and needs all of her. He is a Minotaur and devouring his enemies is a natural instinct, but he knows damn well he's no longer an ordinary member of his species. The hunger he feels for her is soul deep, a consequence of the powers he's consorted with. When he says he wants all of her he means it. He knows on some level she must sense that. Must realise that death is not an escape but a doorway that leads right back to him.

Note: Will this make it into the main draft? When am I going to rewrite those three snippets? When is my language reflecting on past events in characters backstories going to get more specific? All these questions and more, you will likely never get an answer for because I have no editors, no formal writing training, no one to consult about the fetish aspects of my writing and like two examples of feedback on this story. So basically we're on a white rapid current and I'm paddling with my arms. Essentially what I'm saying is this may take awhile.
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Re: Please give me advice on my unfinished draft.

Postby Ixtili » Thu Sep 09, 2021 1:37 am

Expanded snippet 8

Warning: Vore Talk, Sexy Voice, Helplessness, Really bad at action, Depowered, Hero thinking the Villain is kind of hot and scary at the same time. Hero questioning her life choices. Size difference. The size difference is not supposed to be that massive, with Auran being about four times Rose's size but it might sound like it is cause I'm bad at description. Also swearing because Rose is a bratty sub that way.

Rose feels naked before this enormous monster without the Amulet's strength. It reminds her how terrifying Auran truly is, for as familiar as he has become, that does not make him any less dangerous. She looks for a way out, an opportunity, an opening, she's good at finding those. Stalling for time, using the Minotaur's own obsession against him. Yet today her instincts offer her no outs. Nothing to reach for or utilise. Some cynical part of her is not surprised by this, but she elects to ignore it. Cynicism is a poison that will kill her faster than her opponent.

She manages to dodge him at first, but without the Amulet's power, dodging him is all she can safely do. His size and weight give him a huge advantage. Running away is also a terrible idea, at this distance his strides would outpace her initial sprint. So when he lunges, she heads towards rather than away. Unfortunately he does not move when she thinks he will. She makes a distressed noise as she finds herself encased in his fist. He had feigned his lunge and caught her as she sought to escape under him.

She wriggled in his grip as he brings her up to meet his glowing red gaze. She glares at him in response refusing to let him know how powerless he makes her feel. He bares his fangs at her in a predatory grin looking insufferably pleased with himself. "My what a delicious, helpless, meal I seem to have caught. Any last words before I gobble you up?"

"I hope you choke! You asshole!"

He laughs, his grip on her tightening as he compensates for his trembling mirth, he brings her closer and whispers against her ear.

"You know, I'm going to miss that fighting spirit, once you've learnt your place."

His stomach rumbles below as if to emphasise what he means by her place. She tries to surpress the shiver that runs down her spine and not just because it's an expression of fear. She does not know whether to blame the villain or herself for the things his voice does to her, most days she blames him but today she's in such blatant danger she suspects her own mind might be the problem.
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Re: Please give me advice on my unfinished draft.

Postby Ixtili » Sun Sep 19, 2021 10:22 pm

More Experimentation with Introspection.

Warning: Mentions of Oral Vore and Tongue Play, also fears of intimacy and unhealthy familiarity and resignation to fear and peril. Would this count as being touch starved? I'm not sure. I don't know where this is going in the main story, or if it will make it in at all. Mostly I'm just experimenting with giving Rose an inner voice that suits her.

The banter comes easily, she's used to talking when her life is in danger. Her life is in danger so much that it's hard for her to feel anything more than token levels of horror at the thought of being eaten. She would not say she is not scared, she is in fact, terrified, but there's only so long someone can live with fear before it becomes background noise.

She's lowered into his jaws. There's something degrading about the Minotaur King in particular taking her in as food. He's been a constant in her life since she arrived in this forsaken world. It's embarrassing to be so vulnerable in front of him. It crosses lines she was not even consciously aware she had, to be encased in his jaws. To be faced with the reality of losing everything including herself. It feels like an inadvertent admission of defeat just to be in this position at all. His tongue explores places she never thought he'd touch. She likes it and she's ashamed of herself for wanting him to keep going.

The most degrading part of being eaten isn't the fear or horror, she's used to that, resigned to it even. It's the intimacy, the closeness, the multitude of unwritten rules Auran has just broken simply by putting her in his mouth. It's the contented rumble he makes around her, the shameless way he touches and tastes. The warmth of another living creature encasing her without restraint or fear. Yes, being food is horrifying but the pure honest intimacy of physical contact is worse.
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Re: Please give me advice on my unfinished draft.

Postby Ixtili » Wed Sep 22, 2021 2:48 am

Behold! Some kind of progress just backwards.

Warning: This contains, M/F, Oral Vore, Burping, Monster/F, Anthro/Human, Minotaur Pred, Human Prey, Modest Size Difference, Possessive and Obsessive behaviour, Nudity, Implied Digestion and Fatality that will become real when this draft is actually finished, Mutual Pining, Yandere elements in the Pred, fears of intimacy, minor mentions of tongue play. Villain Pred, Hero Prey. Also it's still not finished. Also there's swearing.

Rose feels naked before this enormous monster without the Amulet's strength. It reminds her how terrifying Auran truly is, for as familiar as he has become, that does not make him any less dangerous.

She searches for a way out, an opening or opportunity, she's become good at finding those, at stalling for time and using the Minotaur King's own obsessive nature against him. Yet today her instincts offer her no outs. Nothing to reach for or utilise. Some cynical part of her is not surprised by this, but she elects to ignore it. Cynism is a poison that will kill her faster than her opponent.

She manages to dodge him at first, but without the Amulet's power, dodging him is all she can safely do. He's four times her size and weight, which gives him a huge advantage. In a straightforward brawl his victory would be assured. Running away is also a terrible idea, at this distance his strides would outpace her initial sprint. So when he lunges forward, she heads towards rather than away. Unfortunately he does not move when and where she thinks he will. She makes a distressed noise as she finds herself encased in his grip.

She concerntrates determinedly on trying to wriggle from his grasp, as he brings her up towards his glowing red gaze. She glares at him, unwilling to show any weakness. He bares his gleaming fangs in a smug predatory grin, looking insufferably pleased with himself. "My my, what a delicious, helpless, meal I seem to have caught! Any last words before I devour you hero?"

"Yeah I hope you choke! Asshole!"

He laughs, his grip on her tightening to compensate for his trembling mirth, he brings her closer and whispers huskily against her ear.

"I'm going to miss that fighting spirit, once you've learnt your place." When he pulls back his stomach rumbles below and he pats it with his spare hand in emphasis. Glowing red eyes staring unblinkingly into her own. She tries to surpress the shiver that runs down her spine and not just because it's an expression of fear. Most days she can chalk her ill fated attraction up to her adversary being the closest thing to human she has to fixate on and the frequent physical contact exchanged from getting into fights with him. But today she's in such blatant danger she's left wondering if she isn't just crazy.

He begins to remove her garments delicately. "Hey! What the hell do you think your doing!?" She shouts in a totally normal and not at all flustered voice.

He looks at her with obvious amusement. "You can't expect me to enjoy your taste with all that fabric in the way now can you? If your worried about being cold hero, don't be. I'll not leave you exposed to the elements for long."

"That is not the point!" She growls.

"Oh? Isn't it" He tilts his head looking at her with keen interest.

She splutters and looks away muttering something unintelligible.

Taking mercy on her, he decides to rip this particular bandage off quickly, extending a sharp claw to her colourful Neathian garb and slicing it cleanly down the middle.

"What the hell man!? Do you know how hard it is to get comfortable clothes in a pre-industrial society?" She shouts indignantly. Recovering quickly from her earlier shame at the blatant damage to her clothes.

"You'll not be needing it where you're going" He reminds her paitiantly, quite used to her mercurial nature by this point in their adversarial relationship, he focuses on peeling her shredded garments off of her rather than the indignant glare she's levelling his way.

She looks remarkably like a female of his own species under her wrappings, sans fur of course, he vaguely recalls her being paler when she first arrived and it seems under her garments that she still is, he can see the outline of her most frequent style of dress traced into her skin, he idly wonders if her species makes use of this in any kind of decorative compacity. Not for the first time that he wishes he knew more about where she comes from.

Even as he thinks these things, his mouth salivates at the thought of her and his instincts tell him to dominate and devour.

The Minotaur's jaws engulf her bare form hungrily, careful to avoid nicking her with his sharp fangs, she taste's so good he almost swallows her on reflex. But he retains the prescence of mind necessary to control himself. If his vengeful frustration at her continued thwarting and foiling of his plans had dissipated over the years. Then in this moment it completely evaporates. He could feel no lingering malice towards her, not when the simplest taste of her made him feel like this.

The banter comes easily, she's used to talking when her life is in danger. Her life is in danger so much that it's hard for her to feel anything more than token levels of horror at the thought of being eaten. She would not say she is not scared, she is in fact, terrified, but there's only so long someone can live with fear before it becomes background noise.

She's lowered into his jaws. There's something degrading about the Minotaur King in particular taking her in as food. He's been a constant in her life since she arrived in this forsaken world. It's embarrassing to be so vulnerable in front of him. It crosses lines she was not even consciously aware she had, to be encased in his jaws. To be faced with the reality of losing everything, including herself. It feels like an inadvertent admission of defeat just to be in this position at all. His tongue explores places she never thought he'd touch. She likes it and she's ashamed of herself for wanting him to keep going.

The most degrading part of being eaten isn't the fear or horror, she's used to that, resigned to it even. It's the intimacy, the closeness, the multitude of unwritten rules Auran has just broken simply by putting her in his mouth. It's the contented rumble he makes around her, the shameless way he touches and tastes. The warmth of another living creature encasing her without restraint or fear. Yes, being food is horrifying but the pure honest intimacy of physical contact is worse.

Taking his time to savour the hero who has evaded him for so long. He runs his tongue along her, marvelling at the feel of her skin and the shape of her body. In the heat of combat such exploration would have seen him soundly punished for not taking her seriously. But with the Amulet out of the way he can savour these intimate details. She squirms in his jaws, palms pushing on the roof of his mouth, kicking feet seeking the momentum necessary to escape. Everytime she makes something akin to progress he simply slurps her back inside. He tastes between her legs delighting in the squeak of not quite fear it elicits from her. He feels as if he could do this forever, but he knows that with his foe's luck, every second he puts off ending things, is a second the universe takes as an invitation to deny him his prize. His stomach gives a fiercely impaitiant growl, as though protesting the thought of losing her, he gulps firmly, tracing her writhing whimpering form as she slides down his oesophagus.He hears her sweet voice call his name desperately as she descends. Today he's in no mood to be denied.

This is really happening, she's in his mouth, it is not the first time he's threatened to eat her but it is the first time it's gotten this far. She was fully expecting his teeth to sink into her vulnerable flesh by now and even when that wasn't immediately the case she still braced herself to meet an undignified end on the sharp teeth beyond his deceptively bovine exterior. After the Minotaur had his fill of...taunting her?...tasting her? Both? The King gives a firm swallow, different from the firm but insistent slurping he'd done to keep her from pulling herself free. His muscles and throat tug insistently at her lower body, Her eyes widen and her stomach drops as it dawns on her that he intends to swallow her whole. Her hopes for a quick death are dashed, she's heard horror stories from the Neathians about the prey Minotaur's deign to swallow alive. His tongue undulates and curls behind her cupping around her head and shoulders pushing and pulling her further in. As she's dragged down by constricting throat muscles she calls his name pleadingly, trying to entreat him with familiarity, to get him to see her as a worthy opponent,deserving of a quick merciful death. The rumbling sound of approval that reverberates around and through her. Tells her all she needs to know about how he sees her.

She drops like a stone into his expectant belly causing his guts to lurch and groan. The Minotaur King strides back towards his deserted throne and plonks down upon it, leaning back and letting out a masculine belch so deep it sounds like a monstrous roar. Gently Auran places an enormous clawed hand on his distended stomach. Feeling his adversaries movement both within his belly and against his palm, a contented sigh leaves his lips before he can catch it.

Rose could scarcely acknowledge her circumstances so absurd was it to think that she had been devoured by her nemesis. She felt the villain press against her confined form. A rumbling belch resounding all around her, disorienting her with both it's strength and the primal terror it threatened to unlock if she acknowledged what it said about her predicament. This could not be happening and yet it already was. Under such overwhelming circumstances all she can think to do is fight.

"Exquisite" he purrs approvingly as he feels her kick and flail panicked and frantic inside him. He sighs again, eyes half-lidded in savoured pleasure. Her muffled screaming as sweet to him as every other part of her. It was hard to believe this was the same untouchable woman that had alluded him for so long. "Being mine suits you" He noted teasingly, stroking his groaning stomach while his sweet doomed hero only fights harder in response. Auran felt another belch rise unbidden from his throat "Uurrrrp~"

He glanced down and caught her form pressing out of him frantically, seeking release from her prison that will never come. He runs his firm hands over her, squashing down on the evidence of her form, forcing her back into the anonymity of his rounded gut. He belches crassly before giving a wry chuckle. He fondly thinks about how much he's going to miss the game of cat and mouse between them but knows he would not give up this feeling of fulfilment and warmth for anything.

"Let me out you creep!" She yells, perhaps finally relising the futility of attempting to escape under her own power.

He considers just ignoring her, after all, as much as he loves their chats, this time there's truly nothing she can do or say to stop him. It seems particularly cruel to give his adversary false hope. But he enjoys their talks too much to resist, he wants to talk with her one last time. Still he resolves to ensure she is under no illusions about her fate.

"Mnnnn, no, I don't think I will, your mine now hero. Nothing more than food to be enjoyed and digested by a hungry predator." He kneaded his gurgling belly as he said it jostling her in playful emphasis.

"Tell me how does it feel hero? Mnnnph, to truly be mine? To know that there's nothing you can do to stop me from claiming your body and soul for myself?" He wants to hear her admit that she's his, that she knows it and accepts it but he knows her too well to think that's the response she'll actually give him.
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Re: Please give me advice on my unfinished draft.

Postby Ixtili » Thu Sep 23, 2021 1:00 am

Warning: this is me drafting the digestion segment, for my Minotaur/Human M/F Vore draft, I don't think I'd call what I've drafted particularly graphic or torturous, but then again I've not got any feedback on it yet so reader beware? I might paragraph stitch this content in the near future then go back and rely on actual editing rather than paragraph stitching for alittle while. Until I'm ready to work on an introduction segment that eases people in to the world and characters. I'm not happy with the dialogue and action in the main draft at present but until I've got a complete outline of the whole sequence of events messing with dialogue might result in continuity errors and the main point of paragraph stitching was to avoid contradicting myself every other paragraph by only choosing pre written content that did not actively contradict already drafted content. Basically what I'm getting at is just because digestion is typically the ending of most Vore stories does not mean my draft will stop being a draft even if this digestion scene makes it in to the main draft. Espeacially since I'll likely be going back and editing the prey characters segments to make her less of a nonentity in her own demise like I did with adding her point of view of being eaten. Also while I do want her to have a pretty mercurial character to a degree, I want to work on making her voice consistent. I'd like to work on the predator point of view too but I feel like he needs significantly less work. Naturally physical description is also something I want to thread into the story as well. Preferably once I know where everyone is in the event sequence. Also there's supposed to be a segment before digestion that I'm still debating the details of. But I digress here's what I've got so far for digestion.

Rose felt the Villain's belch right down to her toes. As she felt his hands his hands press in on her confined form. She was aghast at the indignity of her situation. Yet, beneath the disbelief and primal terror of her present circumstances was something entirely. When he called her his something inside her believed him.

"You don't want to be saved" He sighed out giving her another tender caress as his stomach acids pooled around her and his muscles bore down on her. "It's alright, mnn, I won't tell anyone. Your secrets safe with me. I don't even intend to admit to being your tomb. Although given our history, your foolish friends will likely guess your fate." He stroked his growling gut with a wry chuckle, she kicked desperately, while acid continued to rise about her.

"Mnnn yes, keep struggling, fight me to the bitter end like always. Deny me even at the cost of denying yourself. Mmnnph, I'll ensure none of it matters in the end." It was as much a promise as it was a taunt. Rose tried to push and press out of her compacting prison. Digestive liquid up to her chest. Arcing up she called his name desperately and was pushed fondly back into the muck for her efforts. A rumbling air stealing belch, accompanied the kneading weight of his hands a moment later. Scared and tired she let out a soft whine of distress. He patted her weakening form almost consolingly. "Rose" He sighs her name unable to keep the fondness entirely from his voice, She's been his enemy for so long she might as well be his friend and now she was simply his, his in every way that mattered.

"Mnn it's alright love just alittle longer, you're doing so well" He cooed cradling his gurgling stomach tenderly, dispensing with all illusions of distance or enmity between them. Her strength and defiance in the face of certain death had been beautiful but her body and souls inevitable surrender was divine.

"That's it, let me take care of everything." His final callous belch drowned out her last sweet protests as his stomach clamped down and erased her physical form completely. Auran sighed and massaged his softening gut as it shrank down in response to a lack of physical resistance. "There we go, that wasn't so hard now was it? He asked her rhetorically. As his stomach dissolved the soupy mixture that was left. Meanwhile his soul got to work on absorbing her own, now that she no longer had a body to insulate against metaphysical danger. She resisted of course but it was pointless, sympathetic magic was on his side thanks to him consuming her physical body. Her bright warmth was easily surrounded and engulfed by his abyssal hunger. Dragged down helplessly into the very centre of his being. Where he would keep her forever. Truly, she was his in every sense.

Note: As usual all snippets are not guranteed to be included in the main draft and are subject to change so if you like or hate something nows the time to speak up.
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Ixtili
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Re: Please give me advice on my unfinished draft.

Postby Ixtili » Mon Dec 19, 2022 7:01 am

Please Note: this isn't a continuation of Rose and Aurans story it's a different draft entirely, like with Rose and Auran, I don't really take the time to explain the setting and like with them I've promised myself I'll fill in the details later. But I'll understand if you don't believe me given I have not updated their Draft in Awhile. If you'd like to give an opinion on this Draft you are welcome.

Warning: This work contains: A pred who exists in multiple states simultaneously, implied willing vore, implied fatal, implied digestion, implications of people being eaten in the past, magic and strange rules attached to that magic, some sexual situations. That aren't described in enough detail cause I am bad at it. Implied M/F vore, mentions of past instances of M/? Vore, If you like the Poem: The Spider and the Fly. You will likely see many similarities with this draft, if you have read that one source book for Changeling: The Lost that describes how someone should think of the True Fae as being both their kingdom and the actors within it. You probably know where I got the concept for the Pred existing in multiple states. If you have arachnophobia I'd strongly suggest NOT reading this draft as some of the imagery used may prove triggering.

"Can I eat you Ida?" He asks softly, searching her eyes imploringly. "Would you allow me, the pleasure of unleashing my true self upon you? Of swallowing you whole and relishing your futile squirms as my stomach demonstrates just where we both know you belong?"

She regards him attentively, considering him without disgust or fear, waiting for him to get to the point. So he continues. "Are you content with this mask I wear to lure prey in? Or could you accept the monster that lurks beneath?"

Ida frowns at him thoughtfully and perhaps alittle quizzically, it was an often unspoken but well acknowledged fact, that this body and his polite and genial personality were a lure. That at the heart his manor, lay his true self and the manor existed to ferry by trickery and fear those unfortunate souls who found it, towards his parlour door.

Ida knew this, she was canny and had survived much longer than many of his "guests", to her this place was almost a true home, the shelter in the storm it appeared to be and Bastion was not a stranger, though he would always be an adversary, he was also something like a friend and when she allowed it something more.

He longed to claim her, this mortal, who understood so well the rules of his domain, who understood if she disappeared into his parlour she would never be seen again. His stomach and heart equally ached at the thought of her leaving him, of her crossing outside the threshold of the manor one day and never returning. Of becoming the meal of a different monster when she left to forage for food, stubbornly and wisely unwilling to accept any food he offered her.

Beneath the veneer of civility, the monster Bastion actually was, had become frustrated, not because prey might escape him, but because Ida might escape him, might go somewhere he couldn't follow and meet some fate he couldn't know.

Hungry and alien as he was,he could think of no other solution, than to eat her himself, but none of his tricks phased her and so he was reduced to begging.

She reached up and caressed his face, "Why do you look so saddened?" She asks, he holds the hand against his cheek, this is not his true body, but he treasures the touch all the same. "I do not wish to lose you" He confesses quietly. "I could so easily lose you, I cannot claim you on my own, I've tried so often, to close my jaws around you and drag you bodily into my web" He shakes his head at her suspicious expression, trying to convey that this is not another ploy merely a confession. "You know me too well my love, the longer you stay here, the hungrier I become for you."

She crosses her arms "I'm not going to stop warning people to leave Bastion" She tells him her voice firm and resolute.

He holds his hands up placatingly and shakes his head emphatically.

"No, no, that is not what I meant, it is not that I am not fed, I do not mean to belittle your efforts, in defending other mortals, but many do not heed your warnings, or assume that you are on my side. No, it is not that I am starving for food, it is that I am starving for you, and you alone." He presses his forehead to hers. How he wishes he could touch her like this as his true self.

The familiar suspicion in her eyes, is not as harsh as it once was long ago, it is more exasperated, less passionate, she does not trust him not to try and catch her. But she trusts him to not lie about their odd relationship. She trusts him to mean it when he confesses his hunger like a mortal might confess their undying love.

He pushes her down firmly but gently holding her beneath him, wishing he could have her like this as he truly is. "Please" he implores "I need you, I want you, I yearn for you. Please, willingly come to me, please do not fear me, let me touch you, let me hold you, let me make love to you and then let me devour you and spit out your bones" He speaks it like poetry, like a lover asking to marry their beloved. Because for him it is. She has to understand that, she must know that, he has to make her see, that for him this is love, for him this is adoration.

"Bastion" She says his name with a unique blend of exasperation and warmth. "I love you, it hurts me to see you so forlorn, But, you're asking me to die for you."

"No my love" He denies, pressing his lips against the side of her neck. "I'm asking you to succumb to me, in body, in soul, in mind and in heart. Death is part of what I ask,but if you understood, it would not be fear of death alone that motivated your rejection. Even so, I beg of you, come into my jaws, I want you." He trailed spidery kisses along her body, she arched into him and he imagined her doing the same when his teeth were sharp and his mandibles were exposed. The trust, the attraction, the love but directed at the monster who would gobble her up without remorse.

His stomach growled, the human one and the one inside his true body, the manor creaked in sympathy, a reflection of its masters longing. She was so beautiful and delicate, a butterfly he could never seem to pin, he longed to wrap her in his silk, to feast on her blood,to hear her call his name in a mix of fear and ecstasy, to have her understand what she'd done to him, have her experience it from the inside, have her understand how deep and twisted his hunger for her was, but also how wonderful, how unique, how special she was to him.

She looks up at him and he feels as though she sees him, the real him, not the human host of the manor, nor the walls that surround them, but the spider at the centre of this web. An eyebrow is arched at him, the look in her eyes is almost playful. "And? If I did give myself to you, how would you start your meal?"

He stares at her surprised by her boldness, though perhaps he shouldn't be, how indeed? His grip on her tightens, he considers it.

"At first I think, I'd just want to revel in the fact you were mine. In the fact the parlour door had locked behind you the second you stepped inside, in the fact you were before me, after so long seeing and experiencing you only through proxies." He bends and moves backwards as he speaks, lips gently trailing exposed skin as he travels lower and lower.

"I would play with you, try to frighten you, test your resolve now you were before me, whether you became fearful or resolute, I would savour your responses to me, for though we have known each other for so long, I have never truly met you, nor you me." He spreads her legs apart and gently removes the white lace between him and his goal.

Her breath catches as he trails kisses along her thighs, teasing and tantalising with possibility before his tongue descends onto the soft folds of flesh below. She shudders and whines needily as he toys with and tastes her. Insistently and greedily he explores, until finally she finds it too much and comes for him.

He pulls away and licks his lips playfully making sure she sees. He thinks about swallowing up the woman in front of him. He's undecided on if he would start at the head or the feet. But he knows either way he would be sure to taste between her legs thoroughly.

He tells her so and she rolls her eyes at him, but he can tell she's pleased by the picture he paints, even if she's reluctant to give herself to him in reality.

The possibility of convincing her to let him have her thrills him, the thought of having her knock upon the door to his true self willingly. He pictures it, her standing in front of his door, nervous but anticipating, unsure of what the monster beyond is truly like but generous enough to offer herself to him, Jittery like a bride about to meet her groom at the alter. Or a blood sacrifice about to die in an Aztec temple.

She pulls him back towards her and touches the tip of his nose chidingly, no doubt able to tell he's thinking something devious about her. He snaps at the finger playfully, she shrieks and pushes on his chest with a pout.

He grins and continues to answer her question. "I'd swallow you up, slowly and carefully at first, but soon my need for you would become too much, I'd begin wolfing you down, shoving you in, needily, licking and sucking and swallowing, until every last bit of you was sealed away within me. Only then would I allow myself to feel some modicum of relief, some shred of satisfaction."

He nuzzled her affectionately. "Once you were within me, I'd be in awe, the lingering taste of you on my tongue, the way you're beautiful body stretched and filled my stomach to its limits, I'd be amazed at how good you were and how good you were still being. Cherishing the knowledge that after waiting for so long, you were finally mine to savour, mine to love, mine to keep. You'd be afraid, how could you not be? We both know what I am and what I intend. But even so when I speak to you, you'd find yourself calming down, trusting me, accepting that although this was going to kill you, you would find yourself no less in love with me and no less sure of my own love"

"Bastion" The look in her eyes is awed by his confession, she is attracted to the danger in him, she always has been, but has she ever truly understood how intertwined his hunger for her is with his affection? He's spoken of it before but perhaps she's never truly comprehended. He continues determined to make her glimpse the world as he does. "When digestion starts, your fear returns, but even as I lose myself in the all encompassing pleasure of my body conquering yours. I still find time to tell you, that you are cherished, that you are loved. Your struggles intensify, you can't help it, my stomach is overwhelming, it's love for you has no limits or boundaries. Though you are so much more to me than a mere meal, in this movement, I am the eater and you are the eaten. I come in time with your death throes and as you succumb to me, I feel your soul relax and surrender willingly, trustingly to mine. Now, we are one, we are complete and there is nothing more to fear."

She looks at him with longing of her own, for the first time he can tell that she's actually considering it. Was it truly so simple? Had he just needed to be honest with her? About what his hunger for her actually was?

She intertwines her hands with his and draws in a shuddering breath, she looks at him seriously and asks "If I did say yes, would you truly still love me?"

Of course he would! it confuses him that she would even need to ask. But then again, he has come to understand the young woman before him, just as she has come to understand him. Ida flirts with death and danger, quite literally in fact. She has willingly made her home in his hunting grounds, despite knowing all too well that is what they are. Is her fear of entering his parlour truly motivated by literal self-preservation? Or is it a more personal kind of loss?

He squeezes her hands comfortingly and asks what to him seems a very simple question. "Why would I ever stop?" Tears fall from her eyes and he wipes them for her gently. It takes a little while for her to collect her self but eventually she sucks in a breath and exhales it gathering up the scattered pieces of herself to continue their conversation.

"I want to be yours Bastion" She admits quietly, "But!" She holds up a hand before he can say anything. "I-I can't walk up to that door alone. I know you aren't allowed to take me across the threshold like this, but, could you walk me towards it? And the you on the other side of the door, I know you can drag people in if they get close enough, even if you can't actually leave. If you offer me your hand, I'll take it."

He feels his heart sore, the true him in the parlour reflexively swallows the drool pooling into his mouth, the manor seems to brighten and calm shadows less long, walls less worn. He embraces her gratefully, She's so beatiful, so wonderful, she does not deserve to meet her end inside his true selfs belly. But she's going to and oh how he's going to make her feel his gratitude for it. The him in the parlour, gets to work, fangs ache and mandibles twitch, as venom is prepared, a venom infused with his endless gratitude towards the young woman who will soon come to him.Shaped by his endless desire for her, it is something that will ensure she enjoys what is to come as much as he will. He dearly hopes she recognises his gift for what it is.
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Ixtili
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