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This section is for any artist, writer, animator, or any form of creation to share their work in order to receive comment to improve themselves better.
Read the rules in detail here
Read the Critiquing suggestion here
Please open only one thread per person. Detail here.
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PLEASE DELETE!
by OppaiAngel » Tue Jan 14, 2020 2:00 pm
PLEASE DELETE!
Last edited by OppaiAngel on Sun Mar 01, 2020 11:26 am, edited 1 time in total.
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OppaiAngel - Intermediate Vorarephile
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Re: Starting a new story. Looking for ideas/suggestions.
by Bright » Tue Jan 14, 2020 2:55 pm
I can imagine that in a world such as this, selling out your fellow teenagers would be the standard course of action to avoid getting eaten yourself.
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Re: Starting a new story. Looking for ideas/suggestions.
by OppaiAngel » Tue Jan 14, 2020 3:02 pm
I've added a bit more:
Today was just another day at the office for Tara. She flashed herself a big smile in the bathroom mirror after brushing her pearly white teeth. She already had 2 clients lined up for the morning and was sure that more would fllow. She casually makes her way downstairs, her large breasts and belly jiggling with each step. Her breasts had grown a full cup size over night as the previous days captures slowly digested. Yesterday had been a big day. 3 teenagers and 5 illegal children. She was rightly stuffed by bedtime but, she definitely slept well!
Plopping down at her desk, Tara turned on her computer monitor and switched on her work phone. It wouldn't be long before it was ringing and she couldn't wait. She opened her email application on her PC and began sorting through the days emails. "Spam, spam, spam..." she thinks to herself as she scrolls through the list. She finishes deleting the junk mail and looks at her watch. "Time to get to work!" she laughs to herself as she pulls her chubby self out of her computer chair. It was 8:45am and she had an important meeting with her first client of the day in 15 minutes.
As she walked, Tara browsed over the email her client had sent her. A mother of a teenage girl who was simply fed up with the girls poor behavior and lack of ambition. The mother, Jessica, had tried to no avail to get the girl, Becky, to straighten up. Becky was not interested in her mothers attempts and continued to make Jessica's life rough. It was hard enough for her to feed herself but, to have to feed a child who had no respect for her or that put no effort into helping, that made life even harder. Jessica had made the tough decision to hire Tara to step in and eliminate Becky. Becky had no idea what was coming. Tara's belly rumbled as she rounded the corner and walked up to the house. She hadn't had a meal since 6pm the previous day. She rang the doorbell and the door soon opened. A girl of about 16 stood in the doorway. She was about 5 foot tall and quite skinny. Her hair was dyed bright red and she had a stud in her nose. The girls was dressed like a tramp, like most other girls running the streets these days. Striped thigh high socks, leather mini skirt, a tank top featuring some punk band and a leather jacket. "You mus be here for my mom..." she scowled at Tara, moving aside so the chubby lady could come in. Tara walks in and a pretty redheaded lady in her early thirties walks out of the living room. She shoots an uneasy look at Becky and turns to Tara. "I'm so glad you're here,.." she tells her with a stressed look on her face. "I just cant do it anymore." Tara sees the tears welling in Jessica's eyes. Becky looks at both of them. "Oh please mom, what is this? Another intervention?" She snaps. "Well it wont work! I'm not a child anymore!". The girl storms off to her room. Tara turns to Jessica. "I see what you mean." she tells her. "No worries, I can handle this for you. Do you want to be here when, uh," she pauses, "It happens?". Jessica considers this. "Yes, I think I need to be there. I need to see it happen, for closure." Tara removes her sweater and hangs lays it over the back of the couch. "Very well, it wont be pretty though, things get very rough sometimes and its not something every parent can handle." She warns the mother. "I can handle it. I just need her gone." Tara smiles. "Very well. Lets go get this done and over with so you can get on with your life." She hugs Jessica with fake sympathy. All she is really concerned with is her soon to be meal!
The 2 women walk upstairs to the girls room. The door is closed and they can hear loud rock music inside. Jessica knocks on the door. "Becky, please open the door. We need to talk." The music stops. "Its open, but this isn't going to change anything!" the teen calls from the other side. Tara takes the lead, opening the door and walking in, Jessica right behind her. Jessica locks the door and shoves the key into her bra where no one but her knows to find it. "So what is it this time mom? Another counselor?" Becky snaps, "why bother? Cant you just let me be me?" She sits on the bed scowling. Tara sits next to her, the beds springs groaning under the weight. "No, not a counselor." Tara tells her. "I'm something far worse." Jessica watches. She wants to feel sorry but is filled with excitement instead. "You've caused your mother a lot of trouble and have shown no attempts to change." Tara smiles at her with her perfect white teeth and plump red lips. "Therefore, I've been hired to eliminate you." She licks her lips at the young girl, her mouth already watering.
It takes a few moments for this to sink into Becky's brain and then suddenly she realizes the severity of her situation. She turns to her mother. "Wait! You what?!" she screams. "You hired a predator to eat me!" she begins to head towards the door but Tara grabs her by the hair and yanks her to the floor in front of her. She looks up at Jessica. "Are you sure you want to see this? I'm pretty sure she is going to fight, and things tend to get messy when they fight." Jessica straightens herself up and looks Becky in the eyes. "Yes, I REALLY want to see this!" her eyes show no sympathy for the girl. "Mom! What the fuck!" Becky cries as she starts to struggle. Tara yanks her hair back and uses her free hand to grab her by the back of the neck. "Would you prefer her to go head first or feet first hun?" She asks. Jessica considers this. "Feet first. I need to hear her scream so she can feel what I've felt all these years of her disobeying me!". Tara stands up and pulls Becky to her feet. "Take your clothes off Meat!" she orders her, still holding her by her dyed hair. Becky ignores her and continues to struggle. "Mom! Please!" but her mother no longer cares. Jessica cant wait until the teenager is just a lump in Tara's distended gut. Tara slams Becky against the wall, the force of the hit dazes the girl. "I said, take your clothes off or I'll eat you piece by piece!" she shows the girl her sharp teeth. Slowly, Becky begins removing her clothes. She pulls her thigh high's off and then drops her panties and skirt, revealing her small, shaved pussy. Her jacket drops to the floor next and she then pulls her tank top and bra off. "There, are you happy!" she cries, tears streaming down her cheeks. Jessica continues to watch, surprised by the feeling she is beginning to have between her legs. She walks over next to Tara and Becky and sits on the bed, her hand disappearing beneath her own skirt.
Should I have some sexy play between Tara and Becky or possibly between Tara and Jessica after the deed is done?
Today was just another day at the office for Tara. She flashed herself a big smile in the bathroom mirror after brushing her pearly white teeth. She already had 2 clients lined up for the morning and was sure that more would fllow. She casually makes her way downstairs, her large breasts and belly jiggling with each step. Her breasts had grown a full cup size over night as the previous days captures slowly digested. Yesterday had been a big day. 3 teenagers and 5 illegal children. She was rightly stuffed by bedtime but, she definitely slept well!
Plopping down at her desk, Tara turned on her computer monitor and switched on her work phone. It wouldn't be long before it was ringing and she couldn't wait. She opened her email application on her PC and began sorting through the days emails. "Spam, spam, spam..." she thinks to herself as she scrolls through the list. She finishes deleting the junk mail and looks at her watch. "Time to get to work!" she laughs to herself as she pulls her chubby self out of her computer chair. It was 8:45am and she had an important meeting with her first client of the day in 15 minutes.
As she walked, Tara browsed over the email her client had sent her. A mother of a teenage girl who was simply fed up with the girls poor behavior and lack of ambition. The mother, Jessica, had tried to no avail to get the girl, Becky, to straighten up. Becky was not interested in her mothers attempts and continued to make Jessica's life rough. It was hard enough for her to feed herself but, to have to feed a child who had no respect for her or that put no effort into helping, that made life even harder. Jessica had made the tough decision to hire Tara to step in and eliminate Becky. Becky had no idea what was coming. Tara's belly rumbled as she rounded the corner and walked up to the house. She hadn't had a meal since 6pm the previous day. She rang the doorbell and the door soon opened. A girl of about 16 stood in the doorway. She was about 5 foot tall and quite skinny. Her hair was dyed bright red and she had a stud in her nose. The girls was dressed like a tramp, like most other girls running the streets these days. Striped thigh high socks, leather mini skirt, a tank top featuring some punk band and a leather jacket. "You mus be here for my mom..." she scowled at Tara, moving aside so the chubby lady could come in. Tara walks in and a pretty redheaded lady in her early thirties walks out of the living room. She shoots an uneasy look at Becky and turns to Tara. "I'm so glad you're here,.." she tells her with a stressed look on her face. "I just cant do it anymore." Tara sees the tears welling in Jessica's eyes. Becky looks at both of them. "Oh please mom, what is this? Another intervention?" She snaps. "Well it wont work! I'm not a child anymore!". The girl storms off to her room. Tara turns to Jessica. "I see what you mean." she tells her. "No worries, I can handle this for you. Do you want to be here when, uh," she pauses, "It happens?". Jessica considers this. "Yes, I think I need to be there. I need to see it happen, for closure." Tara removes her sweater and hangs lays it over the back of the couch. "Very well, it wont be pretty though, things get very rough sometimes and its not something every parent can handle." She warns the mother. "I can handle it. I just need her gone." Tara smiles. "Very well. Lets go get this done and over with so you can get on with your life." She hugs Jessica with fake sympathy. All she is really concerned with is her soon to be meal!
The 2 women walk upstairs to the girls room. The door is closed and they can hear loud rock music inside. Jessica knocks on the door. "Becky, please open the door. We need to talk." The music stops. "Its open, but this isn't going to change anything!" the teen calls from the other side. Tara takes the lead, opening the door and walking in, Jessica right behind her. Jessica locks the door and shoves the key into her bra where no one but her knows to find it. "So what is it this time mom? Another counselor?" Becky snaps, "why bother? Cant you just let me be me?" She sits on the bed scowling. Tara sits next to her, the beds springs groaning under the weight. "No, not a counselor." Tara tells her. "I'm something far worse." Jessica watches. She wants to feel sorry but is filled with excitement instead. "You've caused your mother a lot of trouble and have shown no attempts to change." Tara smiles at her with her perfect white teeth and plump red lips. "Therefore, I've been hired to eliminate you." She licks her lips at the young girl, her mouth already watering.
It takes a few moments for this to sink into Becky's brain and then suddenly she realizes the severity of her situation. She turns to her mother. "Wait! You what?!" she screams. "You hired a predator to eat me!" she begins to head towards the door but Tara grabs her by the hair and yanks her to the floor in front of her. She looks up at Jessica. "Are you sure you want to see this? I'm pretty sure she is going to fight, and things tend to get messy when they fight." Jessica straightens herself up and looks Becky in the eyes. "Yes, I REALLY want to see this!" her eyes show no sympathy for the girl. "Mom! What the fuck!" Becky cries as she starts to struggle. Tara yanks her hair back and uses her free hand to grab her by the back of the neck. "Would you prefer her to go head first or feet first hun?" She asks. Jessica considers this. "Feet first. I need to hear her scream so she can feel what I've felt all these years of her disobeying me!". Tara stands up and pulls Becky to her feet. "Take your clothes off Meat!" she orders her, still holding her by her dyed hair. Becky ignores her and continues to struggle. "Mom! Please!" but her mother no longer cares. Jessica cant wait until the teenager is just a lump in Tara's distended gut. Tara slams Becky against the wall, the force of the hit dazes the girl. "I said, take your clothes off or I'll eat you piece by piece!" she shows the girl her sharp teeth. Slowly, Becky begins removing her clothes. She pulls her thigh high's off and then drops her panties and skirt, revealing her small, shaved pussy. Her jacket drops to the floor next and she then pulls her tank top and bra off. "There, are you happy!" she cries, tears streaming down her cheeks. Jessica continues to watch, surprised by the feeling she is beginning to have between her legs. She walks over next to Tara and Becky and sits on the bed, her hand disappearing beneath her own skirt.
Should I have some sexy play between Tara and Becky or possibly between Tara and Jessica after the deed is done?
OppaiAngel#0304 on Discord.
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OppaiAngel - Intermediate Vorarephile
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Re: Starting a new story. Looking for ideas/suggestions.
by OppaiAngel » Wed Jan 15, 2020 11:55 am
I'm assuming that since this has a ton of views and no comments, I should just scrap it. Lol.
Back to the drawing board i guess!
Back to the drawing board i guess!
OppaiAngel#0304 on Discord.
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OppaiAngel - Intermediate Vorarephile
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Re: Starting a new story. Looking for ideas/suggestions.
by Twink » Wed Jan 15, 2020 12:37 pm
Your giving up after 1 day? Wow...
The story idea is solid. You may want to think about how you display Tara a bit more. First she has pearly whites, then sharp teeth? Do they change?
As for next steps, you are the author. You choose if you want sexy times or not.
The story idea is solid. You may want to think about how you display Tara a bit more. First she has pearly whites, then sharp teeth? Do they change?
As for next steps, you are the author. You choose if you want sexy times or not.
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Re: Starting a new story. Looking for ideas/suggestions.
by OppaiAngel » Wed Jan 15, 2020 12:40 pm
Twink wrote:Your giving up after 1 day? Wow...
The story idea is solid. You may want to think about how you display Tara a bit more. First she has pearly whites, then sharp teeth? Do they change?
As for next steps, you are the author. You choose if you want sexy times or not.
I see your point. I've had terrible writers block lately and this is my first attempt at moving past it.
As for how I display Tara, what more should I include? I love suggestions on how i can improve my writing.
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OppaiAngel - Intermediate Vorarephile
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Re: Starting a new story. Looking for ideas/suggestions.
by MianQ » Thu Jan 16, 2020 2:23 pm
It's pretty neat! I'm not a writer by any definition but maybe have Betty try to bargain with Tara and Veronica as things go on towards the end?
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Re: Starting a new story. Looking for ideas/suggestions.
by OppaiAngel » Fri Jan 17, 2020 1:09 pm
MianQ wrote:It's pretty neat! I'm not a writer by any definition but maybe have Betty try to bargain with Tara and Veronica as things go on towards the end?
Not sure where you got Betty and Veronica lol. But I like the bargaining idea.
I need to find some time to actually sit down and write some more.
OppaiAngel#0304 on Discord.
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OppaiAngel - Intermediate Vorarephile
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Re: Starting a new story. Looking for ideas/suggestions.
by MianQ » Fri Jan 17, 2020 4:17 pm
OppaiAngel wrote:MianQ wrote:It's pretty neat! I'm not a writer by any definition but maybe have Betty try to bargain with Tara and Veronica as things go on towards the end?
Not sure where you got Betty and Veronica lol. But I like the bargaining idea.
I need to find some time to actually sit down and write some more.
Sorry autocorrect xD
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Re: Starting a new story. Looking for ideas/suggestions.
by OppaiAngel » Fri Jan 17, 2020 6:32 pm
MianQ wrote:OppaiAngel wrote:MianQ wrote:It's pretty neat! I'm not a writer by any definition but maybe have Betty try to bargain with Tara and Veronica as things go on towards the end?
Not sure where you got Betty and Veronica lol. But I like the bargaining idea.
I need to find some time to actually sit down and write some more.
Sorry autocorrect xD
I figured thats what happened lol.
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OppaiAngel - Intermediate Vorarephile
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