Story: "Unmade" (Unbirth, F/FF, same size, illustrated!)

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Story: "Unmade" (Unbirth, F/FF, same size, illustrated!)

Postby unfocused » Tue Sep 18, 2018 4:43 pm

A little story I'd been working on, figured I could get some feedback. It might be a bit long.

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This was a nightmare. In all her years at St. Basil's, Brooke had never been called to the Headmistress' office. She was hoping this wasn't related to Dana and Amy's recent escapade. She'd been careful to keep her involvement in their shenanigans as limited as possible.

Who was she kidding. It was probably exactly that.

To top it all off, her stupid helicopter mom insisted to go with her.

"I hope this doesn't take too long. I got a yoga class in an hour." Brooke's mom, Ellen, lived in the fast lane. She constantly felt like she had to outrun the relentless passage of time - especially its effects on her body. She also never put down her phone, not taking her eyes off her social media even as she talked to her daughter. Brooke rolled her eyes.

"Then why did you insist on coming here with me? Mrs. Romanenko isn't gonna like this."

"I'm not letting my only daughter out of the dorms this late after the school just let a student disappear like that." Putting down the phone, her expression turned suddenly somber, then changed to anger just as abruptly. " Who knows what happened to that poor girl because of this school's negligence? I'm gonna be sure to tell that Romanenko a thing or two after we're done with whatever you're here for."

It was true. Ever since Allison Young dropped off the face of the earth two months ago it's been hard to feel safe around campus. Even now, one of her many missing person posters was staring back at them from the news board outside the Headmistress' office.
While Ellen Mills could be somewhat vain and self-centered to a fault, she did always look out for her daughter, if a little overzealously. And it's not like she had nothing to show for her constant fitness pursuits either. Despite being in her early forties, Ellen could easily pass as a woman ten years younger.

"You better not be in trouble, by the way." Ellen said menacingly.

"I don't even know why she even called me! I haven't done anything wrong!" Brooke grumbled.

"We'll see about that." her mom said, still looking at her phone. "But hey, Mrs. Romanenko could be giving you an award for being such a good student. You never know."

This did little to ease Brooke. Not that she doubted her own academic merits, but hardass Romanenko wasn't the type to give out personal awards for things she pretty much expected of her students in the first place.

"You don't kn-"
The office doors opened suddenly, interrupting Brooke, and a tall, raven-haired woman stepped out. Brooke gulped hard as she felt the woman's cold blue stare.

"Miss Mills? Come on in please." The woman turned her gaze to Brooke's mom. "Oh. I didn't realise you'd bring your mother." She added.

"Sorry Mrs. Romanenko I-"

"I invited myself. Given the recent events, I'm sure you'll understand if I'm somewhat apprehensive of my daughter coming out here on her own." Ellen interrupted. "I was also hoping we could talk."

Brooke scanned the Headmistress' face for signs of annoyance, but the woman seemed to sport a permanent poker face no matter the situation.

"I see." Romanenko replied in her characteristically flat tone. "Well then, come on in."

Brooke couldn't help but stare as they walked into the room. Headmistress Elena Romanenko was certainly an imposing figure. Positively statuesque at six two, she towered over the teenager and her mother. Her piercing blue eyes and pale skin coupled with her elegant dress sense gave her an air of dominance and authority. Not that she was unsightly. On the contrary, the woman's stunning features made her all the more intimidating both to the school staff and the students themselves.

"Please have a seat while I go get some water." She said in an oddly warm tone as she walked towards her water cooler. "Would you like a glass?"
"Oh. That would be lovely, actually. Thank you." Ellen replied.
"It's okay Mrs. Romanenko I'm not really-"
"So, what's this all about, Mrs. Romanenko? Not to be rude, but I fail to see why this meeting had to be at such a late hour." Ellen asked impatiently, cutting her daughter off.

"Mom!"

Romanenko chuckled as she poured the clear liquid into two long, gaudy glasses. "It's quite alright Ms. Mills. I apologise for having you here so late in the afternoon, but my schedule has been rather hectic."

"I wonder why." Ellen muttered under her breath, eliciting a glare from her daughter.

Romanenko put the two glasses on her desk and sat down. "So, on to business." She began. "As you might've heard, two of our students were caught tresspassing in an area that is off-limits to non-faculty members. Especifically, my private chambers."

And there it was. Brooke felt a knot in her stomach. She knew it. She knew she'd end up getting into trouble for enabling her friends' stupid conspiracy theories about Allison Young's disappearance.

"Not only that, they also violated their house arrest and left the campus grounds during the night, their whereabouts still unknown."

Brooke gulped hard.

The Headmistress turned her gaze towards her. "And little miss here knew about their intentions and kept quiet. Didn't she?"

"Brooke!" Her mother grumbled.

"Okay look, they did tell me about wanting to break into the offices, but that's it!" She quickly tried to justify herself. "I didn't even think they were serious about it, let alone that they were gonna run away!" She was lying through teeth of course, but Mrs. Romanenko didn't know that. Or at least that's what Brooke hoped.

Ellen's face was red with anger. She began drinking profusely in order to keep herself from going off right then and there. It was one thing for Brooke to cover for her stupid friends, but to enable this nonsense after what happened with Allison? She was about to reprimand her when the Headmistress suppressed a chuckle. "Oh but that's not all, is it Ms. Mills?" She added.

Ellen glared at her daughter.
"What did you do?" She asked through gritted teeth.

Brooke's mind was in full panic mode, racing with possibilities. Sure, she did technically act as an accomplice by not telling the school authorities, she did talk to Dana before she left, but other than that she was barely involved! What could she possibly have done?

What did she do?

The headmistress reached behind her desk to grab something. A backpack, a rather familiar one. "Do you recognize this?"

Oh no.

---------------------------------------------------------------
"Brooke! Please hold onto this for me." Dana held a brown backpack towards her friend.

Brooke never thought much of she and Amy's wannabe detective schtick, but something about Dana's face now was bugging her. It wasn't the first time her friend had gotten into trouble with the school, but this was the first time she'd seen geniune fear in those big hazel eyes of hers.

Brooke grabbed the satchel and began inspecting it "What's in it? Did you get it from-"

Dana quickly swiped it off Brooke's hands. "Don't look! Just, please. The less you know the better. Just hold on to it and keep it hidden until we get back. I can't trust anybody else with it. Please?"

"Get back? Get back from where? What the hell are you doing, Dana?"

"Amy and I need to go get something from my place. We'll be back soon, I swear!"

"We need to go, Dana." Amy said impatiently.

"Please, just do this for me and I'll never ask you for anything again, bye!" She put the pack on Brooke's hands and stormed off.

"Dana wait!"
---------------------------------------------------------


"Brooke here was in possession of stolen property." Romanenko reached into the pack and took out a silvery rectangular object. A tablet computer. "My property."

Ellen had to stop herself from spitting her drink all over the Headmistress. This was the last straw. Before she could properly scold her daughter, however, Brooke stood from her seat and attempted to defend herself.

"I didn't know what was inside, I swear! I just held onto it because Dana asked me to! She just told me to keep it in the dorm and she'd grab it later! I didn't know they were gonna straight up leave!"

Even if most of that was technically true, the Headmistress was unimpressed. "And you didn't think to check what was inside? Or to even ask Ms. Cortez? I find that very hard to believe." The woman walked around the desk and leaned on it, right in front of the the girl and her mother, clearly putting on her best "bad cop" act. It was working.

Brooke took a sip of her glass, trying to buy herself a second to think of something to say.

"Tell me the truth, girlie. Did you go snooping around in my personal files too?" Her face was inches away from Brooke's, her cold gaze almost paralyzing the poor girl.

Brooke was terrified. All her blushy, sweaty nervousness was probably incriminating her more and more. She couldn't stop thinking about this last question, however. Her tone seemed different, less cold, and with a mix of what seemed like geniune curiosity and anger. What was in that thing?

"Mrs. Romanenko, I understand that what my daughter did was wrong, but is this really necessary?" Ellen interjected.

"I suppose not." The raven-haired woman replied, then returning to her seat. "Truth is, the evidence is here and what's done is done. I simply wanted to inform you both that proper disciplinary measures will be taken. The school does not take this kind of offence lightly." She directed her gaze at Brooke who was holding back tears, as she said this.

"Well, looks like me and my daughter have a lot to discuss, Mrs. Romanenko." Ellen said as she glared towards the girl. "Anyway, I was also hoping we could discuss something else."

"Miss Young's disappearance." replied the Headmistress as she stood up and faced the night sky outside her window.

Ellen's expression became pensive.

"Yes."

"We've all been deeply shaken by it. She was an excellent student and an all around outstanding young woman." She turned her head and gazed at the two. "I'm still hoping she will be found unharmed."

Brooke began to feel a little sick. She was really in for it now. Considering all that's happened recently, she was lucky she didn't get expelled right then and there. How could she be so irresponsible when one of her own classmates vanished out of nowhere? For all she knew, there could be a serial killer out there, or a kidnapper or...
Her train of thought was interrupted as she heard the sound of glass breaking. She looked back at her mom, who had a glazed over look in her face.

"Mom?" Brooke asked, concerned.

Ellen's entire world was spinning, her daughter's words echoed through her head. The woman struggled to get up from her chair as her vision turned into a violent haze. She tried to call for her daugther's name, but all that she managed to produce was incoherent babble.

"Mom, what's wrong?"

Ellen collapsed on the office floor, unconscious as the other two women looked on.

"MOM!" Brooke cried out. However, as soon she rose from her seat, she noticed something was wrong. Her legs were trembling, numb to the point where making a single step seemed like an unsurmountable task.

"Don't worry. She's out cold." the Headmistress said, as she walked towards the girl, taking off her jacket as she walked forward. "Drank the whole thing, after all."

Brooke turned her gaze to the Headmistress. "What's...happenning?" The terrified girl asked.

Ignoring her question, Romanenko hanged her jacket neatly on the back of Brooke's chair.

Brooke tried to ask again, but she couldn't form any words, feeling the numbness rising all the way to her head, she began losing balance. Before the girl could collapse, Romanenko put her back in her chair.

"Woops. Careful now." She said in a mocking tone. "It's a paralysing agent. You drank just enough to avoid losing consciousness."

Brooke tried to scream, but all that came out was barely a whimper. Whatever she'd drunk had paralysed everything but her eyes, which were now zeroed in on the Headmistress, who picked up her tablet and began casually browsing through it. "Unfortunately for you, that was still more than enough." She declared.

"You really should've stayed out of this, Ms. Mills." The woman's eyes were still fixed on the screen. "Those two nosy friends of yours have proven a great annoyance. I would've asked you if you knew where they were going, but given that they forgot to take *this*, it's probably just as big a mystery to them, too. Sloppy." She displayed the device so that Brooke could see what was on the screen.

"Doesn't she look adorable?" Romanenko said, pointing at the naked girl on the device's screen. What she saw sent shivers down her spine. There was no mistaking that face, not when you couldn't even turn around without seeing one of her posters. It was Allison Young, the missing girl. She seemed to be alive, but unconscious, likely under the effects of the same drug Romanenko just used on Brooke and her mother.

If Brooke could speak, she wouldn't even know what to say right now. Though her ability to emote was impaired, the utter horror she was in at both the disturbing revelation and her own predicament, was clearly visible to the Headmistress.

"Oh?" the woman said, surprised. She bent down to meet Brooke's face. "So you didn't know after all."

This couldn't be happening. This was insane. That's what it sounded like when Dana insisted that Headmistress Romanenko had something to do with Allison's disappearance. To not only realise that her friend was right, but that also now a crucial piece of evicence - hell, maybe the only evidence that proved it, was back in the culprit's hands, all because of her, was weighing heavily on Brooke.

Romanenko laughed to herself. "Hah! My mistake. But unfortunately that doesn't change what I have to do now. When you're in a poistion like mine..."

The woman grabbed Brooke by the chin, looking straight into the girl's green eyes.

"Well, you can never be too careful."

Feeling some of her strength return. She tried to scream again, but her voice was still far too weak.

"Don't waste your energy, girlie. There's no one around this late. I've made sure of it." the Headmistress walked towards the windows, closing the blinds and then locking the door.

"...A...Allison...?" Said Brooke in a barely audible tone.

The black-haired woman turned around with a devilish expression of her face. "Curious? Heh." She slowly walked back towards Brooke, picking up the tablet and pulling up Allison's photo from before, making sure Brooke could see it clearly.

"I guess there isn't any harm in showing you now. Who knows? Maybe it'll make what comes next easier to process."

The Headmistress swiped through several photos of Allison Young, she was naked in all of them, laying on some kind of hospital gurney. In some of them she looked almost conscious, a grim reminder of Brooke's own current predicament.

Romanenko began monologuing. "Perfect isn't she? At every level. Subjects like her are hard to come by in a sleepy little town like this. So, when I realised she had what I needed, I just couldn't help myself."

The look on the Headmistress' face as she said this disturbed Brooke even more than her actual words. It seemed ecstatic, almost orgasmic. What happened to that girl? What did she do to her?

The next picture was confusing. Completely mundane in comparison to whay she'd just seen. It looked like an ultrasound at first glance, but upon closer examination, something was off. There was a huge gray blotch covering most of the screen.
"Oh, sorry. You can't see her very clearly in that one. Guess she was feeling shy." the woman smirked. "This one's way better." She swiped again.

This picture was similar to the previous one except for one striking difference. The blurry silhoutte from before was replaced by the clear outline of a teenage girl's body, curled up in an uncomfortable position. Allison's body. Pushing against the walls surrounding her.

"As you can see," said Romanenko as she pointed to her flat abdomen "Miss Young isn't quite with us anymore, technically speaking."
It took a few seconds for Brooke's brain to process what the woman was implying. This was beyond crazy. There was no way she wasn't dreaming. No way.

"Y-you're...crazy..." the young girl said.

The older woman stood up back up, clearly amused by the young girl's words. "It doesn't really matter if you believe me or not. But seeing as you're going to all going to the same place...maybe a live demonstration is in order." The Headmistress turned Brooke's chair towards her unconscious mother and walked over to her, quickly undressing her and tossing her clothes aside. As she moved to do the same with Brooke, she tried to struggle, but her muscles just wouldn't do what she wanted. All she could do was watch in fear and indignation as she was stripped naked.

"Very nice." The Headmistress sized up Brooke's body. "Your mommy, too. She's in great shape for, you know, someone her age." She began disrobing slowly, almost seductively, exposing her shapely yet deceptively toned body.

"So, Miss Skeptical. Let me give you a -let's call it a re-enactment- of Miss Young's fantastic voyage." Romanenko grabbed the unconscious Ellen and sat her down her inbetween her long legs.

"First, I did some stretches..." The Headmistress slid her hands down towards her vulva, massaging her wet folds and slowly inserting two fingers in her vagina. Then four. Then her whole hand.

Brooke stared in complete disbelief as this woman stretched her opening with her hands to an impossible size. She didn't seem to be in pain either, quite the contrary.

Moaning, the Headmistress continued. "Then, I lowered myself on her...like this..."
The poor girl watched in horror as the Headmistress' labia slowly engulfed her mother's head until it completely disappeared inside the damp opening, visible only as an egg-shaped bump that slowly moved upwards through what could only be described as Romanenko's clearly broken pelvis.

"Mmmmhmmm...now comes the tricky part." Panting, the Headmistress kept descending on Ellen, visibly flinching in both pain and pleasure as the woman's shoulders and torso made their entrance into the vaginal canal and her head passed through the cervix. With Ellen's body inside her up to her bellybutton, Headmistress Romanenko carefully leaned on the floor, with her prey's lower body sticking out of her gaping hole.

Brooke felt slightly more mobile and dropped off her seat, weakly crawling towards the Headmistress, whose chest rose and fell as she took repeated breaths, not unlike a woman in labour. In between breaths, the woman continued her spiel. "...then I pulled hard with my muscles..."
Headmistress Romanenko's folds tightened and released repeatedly as if they were a mouth, slowly pulling her victim deeper inside. Taking advantage of her captor's distraction, Brooke pounced fowards and grabbed her mother's legs with all of her strength. The woman poked her head up to see the young girl futilely trying to free her mother from her hold.

She smirked. "Don't be impatient now...I'm almost done here..."

Brooke continued to pull frenetically, but the slippery fluids that seeped from Romanenko's opening made it difficult to get a grip on the woman's legs. With a powerful contraction and a loud scream, the rest of Ellen's legs were sucked in with a sickening squelch, passing through her captor's cervix and into her waiting womb. Brooke stared agape as the hole that had swallowed her mother whole returned to its normal size. As Romanenko possessively cradled her now immense gut, Brooke felt as if trapped in a surreal nightmare. Her mom was *in* there, with only couple layers of fat, muscle and skin separating them. Even with her mind putting it in these very clear terms, what she was seeing was incredibly hard to take in.

"Annnd there...huff...all nice and snug in there." The Headmistress said, as she pat the massive lump of flesh, taunting the girl. "She's a bit bigger than Allison was...but I doubt she'll offer nearly as much."

Enraged, Brooke threw herself on the woman, landing on top of her bloated belly. Unfortunately, her muscles were still too weak for her to be any kind of threat to much larger woman. Realizing that her attacks barely registered coupled with her own faltering strength, the young girl broke down in tears, laying limp atop her mother's fleshy prison.

"Please...give her back...please..." Brooke pleaded, tears rolling down her face.

The Headmistress caressed the girl's face tenderly.

"Poor thing. You've tired yourself out." She said with a mocking pout. "Don't worry. You'll be with her and Allison soon."

Brooke wept. "...How...why? What's gonna happen to us?"

"Shhh." The woman put her index finger on Brooke's lips and gave a sadistic smile. "Spoilers."

Cold hands shoved Brooke's feet into the warm hole.

"I've never had twins before...but I think I can handle it..."

"P-Please..." Brooke begged as contractions pulled her in deeper.

"Here's a gift for the way in." The woman embraced the girl in a forceful kiss for a few seconds before another contraction threw her off Romanenko's bloated abdomen and onto the floor. As her lower body passed through the cervix, the feeling of her feet touching her mother's slick skin inside the Headmistress sent a wave of panic through the girl, but it was far too late to fight back.
Romanenko's breathing grew heavier with every inch of Brooke she took inside her. With only the girl's head and arms remaining outside, a strong final contraction pulled the young girl sobbing into her uterus. The Headmistress exploded into a thunderous climax as the organ accepted its new occupant.

What little Brooke could see inside the woman's wet confines only further cemented how powerless she was. Seeing the ring of muscle that separated her from the only way out tighten itself shut dashed any remaining hopes of turning the situation around. A million thoughts raced through the girl's mind. What would become of her and her mother? What happened to Allison, Romanenko's previous victim? Was she digested? Could the uterus even do that? How was this even physically possible?

Pondering answers to these questions became increasingly difficult as poor Brooke was bombarded by stimuli from all sides. The disgusting, slimy mucus that covered every surface, the incredibly, uncomfortably tight position she was forced into, squeezed between the abnormally thick uterine walls and her mother's body, the squelching of the Headmistress' body, her loud heartbeats, and to top it all off, the bitch's extremely loud moans as she got off from essentially swallowing them.

Feeling her pelvic joints snap back in place, Mrs. Romanenko laid on the floor for a couple minutes to compose herself. She looked in awe at what she'd achieved, manipulating, rubbing and prodding at the massive orb that sat atop her abdomen. The weight of the two inside her soon proved to be a challenge, however, as she felt the large load begin to squeeze her organs, making it difficult to breathe. Rolling over, she propped herself up with some effort but adjusted quickly to her new center of gravity, which hung heavy from her midsection, almost touching the floor.
No longer wishing to lay on the cold, hard floor, the raven-haired woman waddled towards the considerably more comfortable sofa. She laid on her side, with her arm possesively wrapped around her bulging gut.

"We'll be staying here for the night. I can't go around looking like this, so I'll wait until you two look a bit more presentable." The Headmistress announced matter-of-factly, seemingly reverting to her usual cold, professional persona. Brooke seemed to have regained some more strength, responding with a series of weak struggles visible through the taut skin, as if in protest. Relishing in her captive's futile struggles, Elena Romanenko drifted off to sleep.

Brooke finally felt the drugs wearing off, but given her current situation, she might as well be paralysed still. She frantically jabbed at the unconscious Ellen.
"Mom! MOM!" She tearfully pleaded, hoping to wake the woman from her drug-induced slumber.

Her mother was still completely unresponsive. Brooke could only bawl at this point. Perhaps it was better that her poor mother couldn't see the horrifying situation they were in. The girl screamed in rage and anguish as she used what little mobility she had to furiously thrash at the fleshy sac that held them. This, of course, barely fazed their sleeping captor.

Tiring herself out completely, Brooke succumbed to exhaustion and sleep claimed her.

The next morning, Mrs. Romanenko's body saw some changes. Waking from her slumber, she smirked as she noticed the irregular, woman-shaped shaped lumps of flesh that protruded from her midsection had now become a round, if lopsided, bump. While it was now even bigger than before on account of the liquid-filled sacs that now encased the two women inside her, it would be much easier to pass it off as a rather severe case of pregnancy if need be, so long as she kept her distance.

Things could get complicated soon, however. While she'd ridden herself of two witnesses, that would be two more disappearances that would soon be noticed. And there were still two more at large.

"It might be time to skip town, girls." Headmistress Romanenko jiggled her belly as she spoke to her two captives.

She was certainly playing a dangerous game. While it'd be safe to say that no one would even imagine what she was doing, the sudden vanishing of the pretty, popular Allison Young had put the townsfolk on edge, especially some of her more troublesome classmates. In her eagerness to "acquire" her, Romanenko might've overplayed her hand. With these two, she'd have some housecleaning to do. She couldn't afford to be sloppy.

Not when this close to a breakthrough.

BONUS ILLUSTRATIONS:

allison.jpg

allison2.jpg
Last edited by unfocused on Wed Oct 31, 2018 10:48 pm, edited 7 times in total.
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Re: Story: "Unmade" (Unbirth, F/FF, same size, story heavy?)

Postby Groblek » Fri Sep 21, 2018 3:07 pm

Ooh, very nice, thanks for sharing it with us, and welcome to the Portal!

You've got a very solid story here, I don't have much of a critique to offer. I love the setup and the slow reveal of the Headmistress' plot. I very much hope that you're planning to continue this, as I'm very curious what exactly Headmistress Romanenko did to Allison, and presumably will be doing to these two. Not to mention what happened to Brooke's amateur detective friends, since it doesn't sound like the Headmistress made them vanish, at least not the same way.

Since you asked for feedback, I do see a couple of slight tweaks I suggest making to better fit the air of realism you seem to be going for.

First, I'd suggest moving the offer of drinks earlier in the conversation, and have Brooke just not be very thirsty or drink it much more slowly than her mom, as drugs like that aren't really instant-acting. Then have them take effect just as the subject of Allison's disappearance comes up. That'll give you the same timing as what you have here, but will make it a touch more realistic.

Second, the one thing that threw me off during the unbirth scene is that you don't seem to have provided any way for the unbirthed women to breathe in there, but they don't appear to suffocate either. I'd suggest either keeping Brooke conscious long enough to notice the sac she's in filling with fluid and then discover that it's breathable before falling asleep, or having umbilical cords attach to them shortly after they're unbirthed.
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Re: Story: "Unmade" (Unbirth, F/FF, same size, story heavy?)

Postby unfocused » Sat Sep 22, 2018 12:33 am

Glad you enjoyed it! I'd hoped the setup would be interesting enough on its own, and I agree completely with your first suggestion. I'd thought about writing it that way at first, but then also thought that maybe our antagonist would want to know how much the Brooke chraracter actually knew before making her move, keeping in with her more cautious and professional character traits, but now I realize that she probably wouldn't care regardless since she's pretty much a literal sexual predator who wouldn't be looking for reasons to *not* do what she does. Romanenko is a bad person.

About the unbirth scene itself, yeah, I gotta say that sort of thing isn't my strong point and a maybe half of it is directly inspired by another story I read ages ago and can't find anymore. On the other hand, I tend to avoid going into too much detail about "the process" because I feel that when you try to explain something as ridiculous as unbirth in too much detail it can take away from the pacing and feel of the story, and I'd much rather have the character's interaction with the situation sell the scene rather than my description of it. Just a personal pet peeve.

So yeah! I'll definitely revise it with your suggestions in mind, particularly the first one. Thank you for your thoughtful criticism!

As for a continuation...Maybe? There's definitely some stuff to left explore, and I'd like for this awful woman get her comeuppance eventually haha. If nothing else, it's a good chance to exercise those writing muscles.
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Re: Story: "Unmade" (Unbirth, F/FF, same size, story heavy?)

Postby Groblek » Sat Sep 22, 2018 12:50 am

You’re very welcome! I’m always glad to offer my $0.02 as someone who’s spent far longer than is healthy writing this kind of thing.

I’d definitely enjoy seeing Romanenko get some sort of comeuppance, and it seems to me that you’ve set up Brooke’s missing friends as a possible source for that. While I enjoy writing and reading dark stuff on occasion, I do prefer to see evil characters get what’s coming to them in the end. Anyway, I’ll look forward to reading anything else you feel like sharing with us.
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Re: Story: "Unmade" (Unbirth, F/FF, same size, illustrated!)

Postby unfocused » Mon Sep 24, 2018 12:44 am

Made some changes and sketched up a couple illustrations just because I felt like it, check them out! Chapter two might be a while though.

Just in case that while turns to "never" though, I'd just like to say that I take no ownership over any of the characters, story, art or anything and anyone's free to do with them as they please. Cheers!
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Re: Story: "Unmade" (Unbirth, F/FF, same size, illustrated!)

Postby Groblek » Mon Sep 24, 2018 8:07 am

I like the tweaks you made to the story, and those illustrations are lovely. Have you considered getting a gallery here and posting this to it when you’re sure you’re done editing? I’ve found that more people see my work that way than when I post in the forum. To get one, you PM Eka asking for a gallery and include a link to this thread as an example of your work.
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Re: Story: "Unmade" (Unbirth, F/FF, same size, illustrated!)

Postby no one » Sun Sep 13, 2020 8:20 pm

Very well done! I’d love to see more of your work!
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Re: Story: "Unmade" (Unbirth, F/FF, same size, illustrated!)

Postby thequietmanno1 » Sun Sep 13, 2020 10:14 pm

i quite like the story, and i'm interested in whatever she's doing that necessitates her having to unbirth people to help hide it- she doesn't seem to be absorbing or digesting them just yet, though she's clearly also doing this out of a twisted desire of pleasure mixed with professionalism- i quite liked her kissing brooke before she sucked her up- it shows she has lustful desires beneath her cool-headed exterior, apparently mainly towards younger women, since she didn't't bother doing the same to Brooke's mom

I'm looking forward to a continuation of this series, alongside any other works or ideas you might have
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Re: Story: "Unmade" (Unbirth, F/FF, same size, illustrated!)

Postby soline » Thu Sep 24, 2020 4:39 pm

Sadly I don't have any real feedback to offer; it felt pretty well written and engaging to me, but I figure leaving a little note of support can't hurt either! Excellent story, and wonderful illustrations to accompany them!

I'm not as interested in a sequel as others here seem to be, just because I quite like the sense of mystery you left with this ending (and also because I'm a huge fan of predators doing what they do because they enjoy it. There's a hint about breakthroughs here which I assume means some future continuation would give Romanenko some 'ulterior motive', rrather than just getting off on doing....whatever happens to those girls)

But I'm super interested to see what else you write and draw, continuation or something entirely new! Although Romanenko does seem like a thoroughly fun character!
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Re: Story: "Unmade" (Unbirth, F/FF, same size, illustrated!)

Postby unf0cused » Tue Oct 13, 2020 5:37 pm

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Last edited by unf0cused on Mon Mar 08, 2021 9:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Story: "Unmade" (Unbirth, F/FF, same size, illustrated!)

Postby Groblek » Thu Oct 15, 2020 6:10 am

Ooh, that prequel fleshes out the backstory in a very interesting way, thanks for sharing it with us!
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Re: Story: "Unmade" (Unbirth, F/FF, same size, illustrated!)

Postby unf0cused » Mon Nov 16, 2020 5:01 pm

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Last edited by unf0cused on Mon Mar 08, 2021 9:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Story: "Unmade" (Unbirth, F/FF, same size, illustrated!)

Postby Redatheart » Mon Nov 16, 2020 10:06 pm

You should get a gallery and upload these!
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Re: Story: "Unmade" (Unbirth, F/FF, same size, illustrated!)

Postby soline » Tue Nov 17, 2020 6:51 pm

These are amazingly good! I very much second the gallery getting! Just PM Eka and ask for one if you want it :D.
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