i have expanded a skyrim interactive on writing.com

[gongofknockout]

Hi my name is GongofKnockout, I decided i wanted to write an interactive story a little while ago but was too anxious to start, a couple days ago i decided i was going to fill out one of the story lines on an old interactive i found
here: https://www.writing.com/main/interact/i ... /map/15521
i haven't finished it yet but i would appreciate if some of you lovely people could go through it and give me some criticism, it's my first time doing something like this, but i'd like to improve and the only way i can do that is find out what i'm doing wrong, and what i'm doing write. Thank you in advance