I feel Vore is ruining my ability to date

[2531209j]

Vore is a fetish - a form of lust, not a form of love. You'll want to learn to look for someone with beauty rather than hotness; and that way you can enjoy the life with them, including the sex life, without needing vore. The chances of finding a vore match are close to zero, and even if you did, that might be shallow.

Vore can just be a vice on the side.

lol maybe it's that way for you pal doubt that is true for a large majority of people. I do not treat it as "only lust" or a "vice" or whatever tf and dont know anyone who does. Stop acting like finding someone that also likes vore is this big lofty unrealistic goal and vore is primarily and only this shallow perversion I dont appreciate that notion and dont think the community would either.

Well, the only way to find someone else like that is to hang in communities like this. Only certain personalities thrive in this community. It's not mine, and it's probably not most people's, so not everyone is so fortunate to have the shot at that relationship.

To me, a meaningful life is not one that involved a vore-involved relationship. In my experience, the only time I have tried to have that experience with a partner, it has been a mistake. It just doesn't work for everybody.

I think it's OK if it's a shallow perversion; I think most vorarephiles, whether or not they're in this small "community", don't consider it an admirable part of their personalities. But that's OK. We all have vices.

[empatheticapathy]

Vore is a fetish - a form of lust, not a form of love. You'll want to learn to look for someone with beauty rather than hotness; and that way you can enjoy the life with them, including the sex life, without needing vore. The chances of finding a vore match are close to zero, and even if you did, that might be shallow.

Vore can just be a vice on the side.

Could not agree more. The best thing to do is find someone you love for who they are and just fap to vore every once in a while. It's not that big a deal, and trying to bring your fetishes into reality is wildly unnecessary. The odds of finding someone you really click with and could spend your life with and they enjoy your kink are just so astronomically small that they aren't worth thinking about.

[BombyxAmori]

If you are seeking a sexual relationship with someone -- and sexuality comes in MANY forms and colors, seek a partner who is open minded about sexuality and doesn't see missionary position as "correct" and everything and anything else as "weird and unnecessary."

Kinks are metaphors we use to make abstract concepts like love, devotion, oneness, self-sacrifice, and adoration feel more real and tangible to us. Just like many other conventions all over the sphere of our life (especially if you have ANY religious background) they exist as rituals to help us process information more efficiently.

Sexual compatibility is very important in a relationship! Many of us are very complex! Seek a partner who is open minded and adventurous. Every partner I have had, none of them have been into vore -- and likewise, I haven't been into their kinks. But with conversation, and us explaining them to each other, and talking about why we like them? Suddenly, our brains are glowing, and we've learned the languages to make each other feel loved. And we have MADE each other feel loved. And that, that is an EXTREMELY healthy thing to have in a relationship.

If you're afraid to tell your partner about your kinks, the person you intend on *committing to a loving long-term relationship with* then there are either two possibilities.
#1: your partner is far too judgmental of a person and you are right to be afraid of telling them about it.
#2: you're scared over nothing and need to trust your partner's love for you.

And do you really want to spend your life with someone that judgmental? Believe you me, that will show in many places outside of your sex life as well. :p I think you're severely underestimating how important it is to be with someone who wants to know what turns YOU on and makes YOU feel loved because THEY love YOU. And be prepared to be similarly open to them! The only good reason a loving partner would not be willing to engage you with your kink is if it actively turned them off/triggered them (or was actually dangerous or something). Otherwise? In relationships, you have to give and get. Do things for your partner, and they do things for you.

Don't you worry though, there are many open-minded people out there.

Really, why didn't you tell your girlfriend about it? What were you afraid of?

[Irenicuz]

A lot of the replies on here are coming at this from a perspective that only reinforces OP's train of logic. Telling them to keep it hidden? Or if they can't, to reject the very idea of relationships because of this one misstep? Madness. Equally insane is the notion that they should reject all hope of finding someone willing to indulge their fetish just 'cause we're a small community, you don't have to be as enthusiastically into the kinks and fetishes your partner is to enjoy participating in them together.

To anyone who's actually tried revealing a slightly embarrassing fetish to their partner, we most likely understand the dilemma you felt. You were ashamed. You lacked the courage to be open about it. We've all been there. However, it's not okay to project that feeling of inadequacy onto your partner. If you can reflect on one thing from all this, it's to not do that. You'll be sabotaging relationships for a variety of reasons if your own shortcomings make you turn on a person and resent them.

That said, just try and not make such a big deal about it either way. No-one on here should be telling you if a partner's willingness to do vore-play or whatever you want should or shouldn't be a deal-breaker or not, that's for you to decide. Nor should there be any demeaning over the semantics of what is love and what is lust and assigning value to one above the other. Again it's different to different people but also interconnected. I bet a lot of people would start feeling like you did if their partner suddenly stopped performing oral on them...

It wasn't until I was a few girlfriends down the line that I was finally able to open up to the subsequent ones about it. After the first time it was-, well, not easy, but easier. I'm not sure how exactly you'd want your fetish to play out irl but with me the ease came down to the way I'd frame it. By the time I reveal it we've already been dirty-talking during sex and gotten over that initial shyness. So from there I'd just frame vore mostly as a subset of that dirty-talk, a roleplay - a weird one, sure, but not really all that strange compared to the lines people say on the regular. I also immediately throw it out there that in turn we can roleplay or do anything they'd want to do in return. Then, they usually have questions and I tell the story of how I got into it, how I had these feelings as a kid before I even knew what-...you know how it goes, and after I go over what exactly about vore turns me on, try to relate that to things she'd understand. The oral fixation aspects are obvious, the domination/bdsm fantasy of being restrained inside someone...things like that.

Might also throw in at some point that it's an extremely easy and innocuous way they can turn me on. Think they've all enjoyed the ability to tease me with a simple licking of the lips, eating something slowly with a knowing look or with a harmless to anyone else phrase like 'I could just eat you up. <3' Easy confidence boost if they aren't feeling particularly sexy that day and so wouldn't want to do anything lewder than that.

I don't know if I've just been lucky or if the kind of girls I go for happen to be more accepting in general but I've never been rejected when I iterate it that way. To varying degrees they've all been open to it, so maintain some hope you'll find similar. If that is indeed what you want. You may find someone like that and come to realize it wasn't as important to you as you once thought. And isn't that really the point of dating? To find out what your needs are first through trial and error and only then seeing if you can find someone who can match that? I believe so. Good luck next time.

[alza]

Edit: Thanks for the hard slap of reality I needed to hear.
I'd like to clarify that the point of the post was for advice on how to stop these feelings from interrupting my life. Yes I'm very much aware its degrading to her to want her to be exactly what I want. That's why I'm asking for help. And as stated in the last part. I fully understand that the chances of me finding someone like that, and us being compatible is zero.

It could be that you feel ashamed or guilty for having the fetish. Or any other emotional response for that matter that might make it seem negative.

Don't try to stop emotions though, that never works. Feel them, examine them, then let them go past. They're fleeting by nature. It's not a fault in someone to not agree with you and if you feel that it is, or want them to change, just try to remind yourself that they are their own person. You may have felt hurt when she wasn't quick to join the vore community, or disappointed, or judged that she wasn't into the same things and that's fine. Learn and move forward. Use this site to express that side of you and if it happens, it happens.

[VampMorgan]

Coming from someone who has recently gotten into a relationship with someone who isn't into vore but shares a healthy sex life for me (and I know a lot of people might not agree with this view), Step 1 is to learn to accept its a reality about yourself, and either change it or accept it. Therapy's the only place you should be doing it, frankly. Step 2 is, once you start to love yourself despite faults/issues (that you've gotta be continually working on) and still want to date, look for someone based on interests/shared views. Up until now this is just basic dating advice, really.
The hard part comes with step 3. Once things are clearly moving towards serious relationship status, you should tell them what you're into. Its hard and scary when you think they'll judge you, but if you don't then it's either going to be something you secretly pine for outside the relationship or, like you said, make you resent the person for not meeting your needs. In my case, I told her with the full expectation that she didn't like it, but wanted to make sure she knew it was something I enjoyed in fantasy on my own time, and that while I'd love for her to engage with me about it, she had no obligation to. Worst case scenario is that you separate there, which is for the best. If they couldn't accept that aspect of you then, they probably won't later.
Step 4 is just respecting each other's boundaries, again like any normal relationship. If you're lucky, they might get curious and want to interact with you on that fetish, but otherwise, it'll just be your little thing, which is fine.

Hope this didn't get too rambly.

[AeriaGloris]

The best advice I can give anyone on this topic is the same I would for any interest/hobby or kink. Do not make any of these part of your personality. It limits you as an individual and makes you appear one dimensional. Further to this, making friends or dating people with different interests can really broaden your horizons.

Also remember that relationships are a two-way street. If a fetish is a requirement, know that you owe your partner similar satisfaction regardless of their kinks.

[Dudeox05]

Personally, I've never really expected to find a relationship partner who actually *shared* my kinks. However, I do want someone who accepts that I have them, so that they don't blow up the relationship further down the line due to some slip-up of a tab on my browser that was left open (or the like). To that end, I usually try to have a heart-to-heart conversation about kinks with any potential future relationship partner fairly early on in the dating side of things. I feel that it's important to not let the feelings grow too strongly that you feel that you're lighting a fuse on a bomb strapped to your heart when you go to have this conversation, or you're more likely to get incredibly nervous about the subject and flub it somehow... Or at least that's how it is for me.

Liking or not liking vore isn't a flaw or a perk, it's just an aspect of our personalities. Sure, kinks can have a substantial impact on compatibility, but to call a personality trait a flaw is a little harsh.

Anyways, that's just my two cents.

[Ixtili]

I can understand wanting to be with someone who shares your fetish, but nitpicking that one lack of capitulation to the point of obsession is something you should probably talk over with a therapist. Loving the one your with can be hard and I won't say your under any obligation to stay with someone who has nothing in common with you in the bedroom, but letting this one thing you can't control transform your entire initially positive perception of someone into something dark and resentful doesn't seem all that healthy either. I think being with someone whose accepting of the forms your lust takes is probably more important than we like to give it credit for but so is ensuring you are not just letting your lust taint every other aspect of your relationship with others. If you feel like your unconsciously sabotaging your relationships then definitely you should look for ways to calm down or descalate.

Sabotaging myb relationships is a good way to describe how I feel about it. I'll definitely try to slow down on my expectations. And focus more on how well we spend our time together.

Good idea, oh and there are genuinely ways to "cure" (like most psycholgical treatments it's more about strategies to deal with something than a straight up cure) weird fetishes that are becoming paraphilic in the psychological sense of the word rather than the colloquial sense paraphelia means harmful when it's an official diagnosis but fetishists with weird fetishes use it to mean strange or offputting. So if you truly think it's stemming from the fetish rather than just you not being able to handle your frustration in a constructive way. Then you could legitimately benefit from consulting a professional. Just be sure you get one who knows what they are doing because Therapists are still people and people can be a mixed bag sometimes.

[jimmersac]

The best advice I can give anyone on this topic is the same I would for any interest/hobby or kink. Do not make any of these part of your personality. It limits you as an individual and makes you appear one dimensional. Further to this, making friends or dating people with different interests can really broaden your horizons.

Also remember that relationships are a two-way street. If a fetish is a requirement, know that you owe your partner similar satisfaction regardless of their kinks.

I should have clarified it in the post. But in actuality I dont want to involve vore in my sex life. Roleplay does nothing for me.

What i was really saying is that I'd be nice to be in a relationship with some who's also into vore. Just because they'd understand it better. So I wouldn't have to try to explain it to someone who knows nothing about it. Which could lead to the end of a good relationship.

I've had some bad experiences telling the wrong people about it.(people who I thought I could trust). And I got backstabbed by them.

[jimmersac]

I can understand wanting to be with someone who shares your fetish, but nitpicking that one lack of capitulation to the point of obsession is something you should probably talk over with a therapist. Loving the one your with can be hard and I won't say your under any obligation to stay with someone who has nothing in common with you in the bedroom, but letting this one thing you can't control transform your entire initially positive perception of someone into something dark and resentful doesn't seem all that healthy either. I think being with someone whose accepting of the forms your lust takes is probably more important than we like to give it credit for but so is ensuring you are not just letting your lust taint every other aspect of your relationship with others. If you feel like your unconsciously sabotaging your relationships then definitely you should look for ways to calm down or descalate.

Sabotaging myb relationships is a good way to describe how I feel about it. I'll definitely try to slow down on my expectations. And focus more on how well we spend our time together.

Good idea, oh and there are genuinely ways to "cure" (like most psycholgical treatments it's more about strategies to deal with something than a straight up cure) weird fetishes that are becoming paraphilic in the psychological sense of the word rather than the colloquial sense paraphelia means harmful when it's an official diagnosis but fetishists with weird fetishes use it to mean strange or offputting. So if you truly think it's stemming from the fetish rather than just you not being able to handle your frustration in a constructive way. Then you could legitimately benefit from consulting a professional. Just be sure you get one who knows what they are doing because Therapists are still people and people can be a mixed bag sometimes.

I actually have talked to a therapist about it. But I was never able to fully say what fetish I had.
I have tried therapy. But I dont know about it. It just seems by the end of it I'd leave every session think "huh I didnt think about it like that before" and then nothing changed. I've tried everyone recommendations, but they seem to only work once or twice for me and then it goes back to normal.

[jimmersac]

Coming from someone who has recently gotten into a relationship with someone who isn't into vore but shares a healthy sex life for me (and I know a lot of people might not agree with this view), Step 1 is to learn to accept its a reality about yourself, and either change it or accept it. Therapy's the only place you should be doing it, frankly. Step 2 is, once you start to love yourself despite faults/issues (that you've gotta be continually working on) and still want to date, look for someone based on interests/shared views. Up until now this is just basic dating advice, really.
The hard part comes with step 3. Once things are clearly moving towards serious relationship status, you should tell them what you're into. Its hard and scary when you think they'll judge you, but if you don't then it's either going to be something you secretly pine for outside the relationship or, like you said, make you resent the person for not meeting your needs. In my case, I told her with the full expectation that she didn't like it, but wanted to make sure she knew it was something I enjoyed in fantasy on my own time, and that while I'd love for her to engage with me about it, she had no obligation to. Worst case scenario is that you separate there, which is for the best. If they couldn't accept that aspect of you then, they probably won't later.
Step 4 is just respecting each other's boundaries, again like any normal relationship. If you're lucky, they might get curious and want to interact with you on that fetish, but otherwise, it'll just be your little thing, which is fine.

Hope this didn't get too rambly.

Not to degrade everyone else's post.
But I think this post was the most helpful for me. Its comforting to know some people have made relationships work.
I think with covid making meeting new people to date harder than before. I got stuck in my worry that I'll never meet the right one. And I guess that made me focus more on my fantasies.

What kinda therapist deals with this kinda thing?

[jimmersac]

A lot of the replies on here are coming at this from a perspective that only reinforces OP's train of logic. Telling them to keep it hidden? Or if they can't, to reject the very idea of relationships because of this one misstep? Madness. Equally insane is the notion that they should reject all hope of finding someone willing to indulge their fetish just 'cause we're a small community, you don't have to be as enthusiastically into the kinks and fetishes your partner is to enjoy participating in them together.

To anyone who's actually tried revealing a slightly embarrassing fetish to their partner, we most likely understand the dilemma you felt. You were ashamed. You lacked the courage to be open about it. We've all been there. However, it's not okay to project that feeling of inadequacy onto your partner. If you can reflect on one thing from all this, it's to not do that. You'll be sabotaging relationships for a variety of reasons if your own shortcomings make you turn on a person and resent them.

That said, just try and not make such a big deal about it either way. No-one on here should be telling you if a partner's willingness to do vore-play or whatever you want should or shouldn't be a deal-breaker or not, that's for you to decide. Nor should there be any demeaning over the semantics of what is love and what is lust and assigning value to one above the other. Again it's different to different people but also interconnected. I bet a lot of people would start feeling like you did if their partner suddenly stopped performing oral on them...

It wasn't until I was a few girlfriends down the line that I was finally able to open up to the subsequent ones about it. After the first time it was-, well, not easy, but easier. I'm not sure how exactly you'd want your fetish to play out irl but with me the ease came down to the way I'd frame it. By the time I reveal it we've already been dirty-talking during sex and gotten over that initial shyness. So from there I'd just frame vore mostly as a subset of that dirty-talk, a roleplay - a weird one, sure, but not really all that strange compared to the lines people say on the regular. I also immediately throw it out there that in turn we can roleplay or do anything they'd want to do in return. Then, they usually have questions and I tell the story of how I got into it, how I had these feelings as a kid before I even knew what-...you know how it goes, and after I go over what exactly about vore turns me on, try to relate that to things she'd understand. The oral fixation aspects are obvious, the domination/bdsm fantasy of being restrained inside someone...things like that.

Might also throw in at some point that it's an extremely easy and innocuous way they can turn me on. Think they've all enjoyed the ability to tease me with a simple licking of the lips, eating something slowly with a knowing look or with a harmless to anyone else phrase like 'I could just eat you up. <3' Easy confidence boost if they aren't feeling particularly sexy that day and so wouldn't want to do anything lewder than that.

I don't know if I've just been lucky or if the kind of girls I go for happen to be more accepting in general but I've never been rejected when I iterate it that way. To varying degrees they've all been open to it, so maintain some hope you'll find similar. If that is indeed what you want. You may find someone like that and come to realize it wasn't as important to you as you once thought. And isn't that really the point of dating? To find out what your needs are first through trial and error and only then seeing if you can find someone who can match that? I believe so. Good luck next time.

Thanks. For taking the time to write all that for me. I'll definitely try to keep an open mind about this.

[jimmersac]

If you are seeking a sexual relationship with someone -- and sexuality comes in MANY forms and colors, seek a partner who is open minded about sexuality and doesn't see missionary position as "correct" and everything and anything else as "weird and unnecessary."

Kinks are metaphors we use to make abstract concepts like love, devotion, oneness, self-sacrifice, and adoration feel more real and tangible to us. Just like many other conventions all over the sphere of our life (especially if you have ANY religious background) they exist as rituals to help us process information more efficiently.

Sexual compatibility is very important in a relationship! Many of us are very complex! Seek a partner who is open minded and adventurous. Every partner I have had, none of them have been into vore -- and likewise, I haven't been into their kinks. But with conversation, and us explaining them to each other, and talking about why we like them? Suddenly, our brains are glowing, and we've learned the languages to make each other feel loved. And we have MADE each other feel loved. And that, that is an EXTREMELY healthy thing to have in a relationship.

If you're afraid to tell your partner about your kinks, the person you intend on *committing to a loving long-term relationship with* then there are either two possibilities.
#1: your partner is far too judgmental of a person and you are right to be afraid of telling them about it.
#2: you're scared over nothing and need to trust your partner's love for you.

And do you really want to spend your life with someone that judgmental? Believe you me, that will show in many places outside of your sex life as well. :p I think you're severely underestimating how important it is to be with someone who wants to know what turns YOU on and makes YOU feel loved because THEY love YOU. And be prepared to be similarly open to them! The only good reason a loving partner would not be willing to engage you with your kink is if it actively turned them off/triggered them (or was actually dangerous or something). Otherwise? In relationships, you have to give and get. Do things for your partner, and they do things for you.

Don't you worry though, there are many open-minded people out there.

Really, why didn't you tell your girlfriend about it? What were you afraid of?

I actually did tell her. I was so scared I even cried telling her it.
She had no idea what it was, and I got so frozen I couldn't even describe it. So she pulled out her phone and searched it on some app. Nothing really showed up. (Thank you safe search). So all she said was "I-I think I have an idea of what it is".

Then we never talked about it again.

So I'm not really sure what to think. Because she really didn't see what vore was, at least only she saw the bare surface of it.

[jimmersac]

Hey you know that song ME!ME!ME! and the music video that accompanies it? How this weeb loses his life to anime, including a girl he loved, because she wasn't as good as his fantasy girl?

Yeah, don't do that.

Because I did. Not with anime, but the whole comparing real life to fantasy part. You'll fucking regret it. Seriously. Don't do it.

I am not trying to be mean. I am urging you not to make that mistake. You might not have feelings now but you're going to look back and SUFFER in a few years.

That's definitely one of my fears.
Hence why I've come here, just trying to get some idea of how to get this under control again.

[Belianal]

Coming from someone who has recently gotten into a relationship with someone who isn't into vore but shares a healthy sex life for me (and I know a lot of people might not agree with this view), Step 1 is to learn to accept its a reality about yourself, and either change it or accept it. Therapy's the only place you should be doing it, frankly. Step 2 is, once you start to love yourself despite faults/issues (that you've gotta be continually working on) and still want to date, look for someone based on interests/shared views. Up until now this is just basic dating advice, really.
The hard part comes with step 3. Once things are clearly moving towards serious relationship status, you should tell them what you're into. Its hard and scary when you think they'll judge you, but if you don't then it's either going to be something you secretly pine for outside the relationship or, like you said, make you resent the person for not meeting your needs. In my case, I told her with the full expectation that she didn't like it, but wanted to make sure she knew it was something I enjoyed in fantasy on my own time, and that while I'd love for her to engage with me about it, she had no obligation to. Worst case scenario is that you separate there, which is for the best. If they couldn't accept that aspect of you then, they probably won't later.
Step 4 is just respecting each other's boundaries, again like any normal relationship. If you're lucky, they might get curious and want to interact with you on that fetish, but otherwise, it'll just be your little thing, which is fine.

Hope this didn't get too rambly.

Not to degrade everyone else's post.
But I think this post was the most helpful for me. Its comforting to know some people have made relationships work.
I think with covid making meeting new people to date harder than before. I got stuck in my worry that I'll never meet the right one. And I guess that made me focus more on my fantasies.

What kinda therapist deals with this kinda thing?

I understand you so well!

For decades, I was ashamed about it, I wanted to quit vore, become "normal" because I was affraid of being rejected by the ones I love.

The fact is that you will maybe never be able to forget or quit vore, instead, it will come back harder. It's like playing tennis with a wall, the more strongly you reject it, the stronger it’ll come back to you. And my therapist is also of this opinions.

I still try to accept myself and this fetish, it's not easy, I still think that my wife is disgusted by it, because she's not vore-addict (not at all!) but calm down, even people that doesn't like it can have a open mind, there are some testimonials on this forum of person in couple for whom it went well.

Keeping this kind of taste for yourself when you're in relationship is toxic, self-destructive, and maybe you will be rejected sometimes, like anybody else, hey, everyone has already suffered a painful breakup, even people with more classic tastes, it's not the end of the world, just the end of a relationship that couldn’t work.

Keep hope and strength.

[BombyxAmori]

I'm actually really relieved to see you taking into account some of the healthier perspectives in this thread now, phew. I actually got really worried about you when I read this thread initially.

My generalized take, in its shortest form is that poor sex education in this country- no, well, the world in general, doesn't even begin to equip people to understand or even realize how deep and heart-healthy sexual and emotional needs can be touched on by kink. I'm always dismayed when I see people just interpreting kink as shallow and pointless, when it's anything but. But at the same time, it doesn't really surprise me, because what else is there to expect when there's no real resources out there?

I actually did tell her. I was so scared I even cried telling her it.
She had no idea what it was, and I got so frozen I couldn't even describe it. So she pulled out her phone and searched it on some app. Nothing really showed up. (Thank you safe search). So all she said was "I-I think I have an idea of what it is".

Then we never talked about it again.

So I'm not really sure what to think. Because she really didn't see what vore was, at least only she saw the bare surface of it.

Sounds like you almost got to the mutual understanding point I was talking about, but didn't follow through. Understandable, you were scared! As I was reading this, a thought came to mind. You probably are more scared about communicating these things to a partner than I would be, because you're confused about why you even feel these sorts of things and whether you should be feeling them? At least, that's the feeling I get from reading this thread. (Ignore if I'm wrong about this) But if my assumption is correct, then

I used to struggle *very, very* deeply with these sorts of feelings. I grew up not having any positive framework with which to understand kink, and I thought I was just downright evil for having them for many years. It took me a lot of self exploration and just raw puzzling things out in my head for me to eventually work things out to the point where I:
- can recognize what appeals to me emotionally about the things I like
- properly understand the purpose that kinks serve us as metaphor tools
- know that they're healthy thought patterns for me to be having
- can explain these things and the meanings behind them to others in a way that makes them "get" it even though they're not into it themselves. (For real. Have like a 100% success rate at this nowadays.)

Since these seem to be questions you're struggling with, I hope you find a good therapist and have much luck soul searching. Try to find answers to these sorts of questions. Don't get caught up too easily on the literal interpretation answers which are often inaccurate, e.g. "I like the idea of eating people/being eaten? does that mean I like MURDER?" but seek deeper for the true poetic concepts that these sensations represent to you.

The point at which you're able to tell yourself "this is who I am, this is what I like, it's healthy, and here's why" and believe your own answers?
That's the point at which you'll be able to communicate it to a partner and have them believe it, as well! And that's a great goal to want to achieve.

[jimmersac]

Coming from someone who has recently gotten into a relationship with someone who isn't into vore but shares a healthy sex life for me (and I know a lot of people might not agree with this view), Step 1 is to learn to accept its a reality about yourself, and either change it or accept it. Therapy's the only place you should be doing it, frankly. Step 2 is, once you start to love yourself despite faults/issues (that you've gotta be continually working on) and still want to date, look for someone based on interests/shared views. Up until now this is just basic dating advice, really.
The hard part comes with step 3. Once things are clearly moving towards serious relationship status, you should tell them what you're into. Its hard and scary when you think they'll judge you, but if you don't then it's either going to be something you secretly pine for outside the relationship or, like you said, make you resent the person for not meeting your needs. In my case, I told her with the full expectation that she didn't like it, but wanted to make sure she knew it was something I enjoyed in fantasy on my own time, and that while I'd love for her to engage with me about it, she had no obligation to. Worst case scenario is that you separate there, which is for the best. If they couldn't accept that aspect of you then, they probably won't later.
Step 4 is just respecting each other's boundaries, again like any normal relationship. If you're lucky, they might get curious and want to interact with you on that fetish, but otherwise, it'll just be your little thing, which is fine.

Hope this didn't get too rambly.

Not to degrade everyone else's post.
But I think this post was the most helpful for me. Its comforting to know some people have made relationships work.
I think with covid making meeting new people to date harder than before. I got stuck in my worry that I'll never meet the right one. And I guess that made me focus more on my fantasies.

What kinda therapist deals with this kinda thing?

I understand you so well!

For decades, I was ashamed about it, I wanted to quit vore, become "normal" because I was affraid of being rejected by the ones I love.

The fact is that you will maybe never be able to forget or quit vore, instead, it will come back harder. It's like playing tennis with a wall, the more strongly you reject it, the stronger it’ll come back to you. And my therapist is also of this opinions.

I still try to accept myself and this fetish, it's not easy, I still think that my wife is disgusted by it, because she's not vore-addict (not at all!) but calm down, even people that doesn't like it can have a open mind, there are some testimonials on this forum of person in couple for whom it went well.

Keeping this kind of taste for yourself when you're in relationship is toxic, self-destructive, and maybe you will be rejected sometimes, like anybody else, hey, everyone has already suffered a painful breakup, even people with more classic tastes, it's not the end of the world, just the end of a relationship that couldn’t work.

Keep hope and strength.

The tennis balla and the wall analogy was really good. That basically describes my struggles.

I'll be sure to keep trying.

[jimmersac]

I'm actually really relieved to see you taking into account some of the healthier perspectives in this thread now, phew. I actually got really worried about you when I read this thread initially.

My generalized take, in its shortest form is that poor sex education in this country- no, well, the world in general, doesn't even begin to equip people to understand or even realize how deep and heart-healthy sexual and emotional needs can be touched on by kink. I'm always dismayed when I see people just interpreting kink as shallow and pointless, when it's anything but. But at the same time, it doesn't really surprise me, because what else is there to expect when there's no real resources out there?

I actually did tell her. I was so scared I even cried telling her it.
She had no idea what it was, and I got so frozen I couldn't even describe it. So she pulled out her phone and searched it on some app. Nothing really showed up. (Thank you safe search). So all she said was "I-I think I have an idea of what it is".

Then we never talked about it again.

So I'm not really sure what to think. Because she really didn't see what vore was, at least only she saw the bare surface of it.

Sounds like you almost got to the mutual understanding point I was talking about, but didn't follow through. Understandable, you were scared! As I was reading this, a thought came to mind. You probably are more scared about communicating these things to a partner than I would be, because you're confused about why you even feel these sorts of things and whether you should be feeling them? At least, that's the feeling I get from reading this thread. (Ignore if I'm wrong about this) But if my assumption is correct, then

I used to struggle *very, very* deeply with these sorts of feelings. I grew up not having any positive framework with which to understand kink, and I thought I was just downright evil for having them for many years. It took me a lot of self exploration and just raw puzzling things out in my head for me to eventually work things out to the point where I:
- can recognize what appeals to me emotionally about the things I like
- properly understand the purpose that kinks serve us as metaphor tools
- know that they're healthy thought patterns for me to be having
- can explain these things and the meanings behind them to others in a way that makes them "get" it even though they're not into it themselves. (For real. Have like a 100% success rate at this nowadays.)

Since these seem to be questions you're struggling with, I hope you find a good therapist and have much luck soul searching. Try to find answers to these sorts of questions. Don't get caught up too easily on the literal interpretation answers which are often inaccurate, e.g. "I like the idea of eating people/being eaten? does that mean I like MURDER?" but seek deeper for the true poetic concepts that these sensations represent to you.

The point at which you're able to tell yourself "this is who I am, this is what I like, it's healthy, and here's why" and believe your own answers?
That's the point at which you'll be able to communicate it to a partner and have them believe it, as well! And that's a great goal to want to achieve.

I've never really questioned why I have these feeling. In the thinking of "is there something wrong with me" but rather in a more psychological way. I love understand how the human mind works. And I've really wondered what makes someone get into vore? Is it biological, an experience they had as kid, traumatic events or innocent?

I've definitely learned to accept it, but reluctantly. As I'd really prefer if I didnt have this kink.

I'm not great at expressing myself, so it usally leads me to just telling people to forget I ever said anything.

[2531209j]

Coming from someone who has recently gotten into a relationship with someone who isn't into vore but shares a healthy sex life for me (and I know a lot of people might not agree with this view), Step 1 is to learn to accept its a reality about yourself, and either change it or accept it. Therapy's the only place you should be doing it, frankly. Step 2 is, once you start to love yourself despite faults/issues (that you've gotta be continually working on) and still want to date, look for someone based on interests/shared views. Up until now this is just basic dating advice, really.
The hard part comes with step 3. Once things are clearly moving towards serious relationship status, you should tell them what you're into. Its hard and scary when you think they'll judge you, but if you don't then it's either going to be something you secretly pine for outside the relationship or, like you said, make you resent the person for not meeting your needs. In my case, I told her with the full expectation that she didn't like it, but wanted to make sure she knew it was something I enjoyed in fantasy on my own time, and that while I'd love for her to engage with me about it, she had no obligation to. Worst case scenario is that you separate there, which is for the best. If they couldn't accept that aspect of you then, they probably won't later.
Step 4 is just respecting each other's boundaries, again like any normal relationship. If you're lucky, they might get curious and want to interact with you on that fetish, but otherwise, it'll just be your little thing, which is fine.

Hope this didn't get too rambly.

I hear your point and I appreciate your contribution, but I have a strong objection to this, so let me voice my thoughts on this too.

This is a very particular strategy. It might not generalize to everyone. People have all kinds of relationships and dynamics that work in all different ways - for some people, talking about it and trying to male it work may be a mistake. This counsel would not do them well.

I'm not saying it's wrong - but I would caution anyone (from my own experience, by the way) against following particular plans like this unless it's something you can figure out on your own, as everyone is just too different. In fact, OP said in response to this post, somewhere above, that something like this (step 3 mainly) wasn't totally smooth for him. Sometimes things are scary for a reason. They just might not pay off.

My two cents. I hope it was received well. Thank you.