Succubi vore story and others

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Succubi vore story and others

Postby Karbo » Tue Jan 10, 2006 9:31 pm

This is my first vore story. You can find it in my gallery.

Please tell me what do you think of it. Any comments, remarks and critics are very welcome :)

Very big thanks to Ladyprey, Throku and Toric eidolon for their advices and the time they spent in reviewing and editing it ! :wink:
Last edited by Karbo on Wed Apr 26, 2006 3:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Slash » Fri Jan 20, 2006 3:33 pm

It was very detailed. Especially the swallowing parts. Great for a first time story. Very pro. :D
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Postby Karbo » Fri Jan 20, 2006 4:30 pm

Thanks you ! :wink:
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Postby TW » Thu Mar 23, 2006 10:43 pm

Very nice story Mr. Karbo. The details were excellent as well as the description of the swallowing. I enjoyed it very much, even though Macro is not my favorite thing! So that is saying a lot.

love your pictures too!
I love bellies! Round, Soft, hard, Prey filled, food filled, Inflated, or Pregnancy, so long as it is big and round. :)

I am a maieusophile are you?

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Hmmm...

Postby Kaoru » Thu Mar 23, 2006 11:05 pm

I read that a while back. I didn't think to comment on it at the time...silly me, huh? Well, I'll just have to rectify that...

To start off with, you have very good characters. I'm overjoyed to hear Eidolon and a few others are helping you out with your stories, which means any help I might offer is totally superfluous now. I can still comment, though... Oh yeah, characters! The 'main' character, the deceased Emperor of ...what, in his mind, the world? Was just a guy I couldn't feel sorry for...well, not for very long, anyhow.

You've managed to translate that voracious innocence that suffuses your pictures into your stories with incredible skill. At no time did I think of the succubi as cruel or heartless...even when they sort of acted that way, or could be viewed to have done so. Some things really stick out as 'minor' things that add a bit of polish to everything else.

The demon guard, for instance, being terrified and almost getting grabbed. It helps to set the mood and suggests that your girls aren't averse to even eating their own kind... The conversation between the succubus and the 'emperor' was also very well-done. Despite vorish undertones, one really didn't see what was coming until, 'Wham!', he hits the tongue and starts going down...

Your word usage, as well, was wonderful. You have quite a rich vocabulary...and you're able to use it well. The descriptions are pretty high-caliber, as well!
I'm rambling. I'll stop. Just know that you've got my support for any more stories you write!
"It is better to die for an idea that will live, than to live for an idea that will die." ~ Steve Biko
And Now Whatever Way Our Stories End, I Know You Have Re-Written Mine - By Being My Friend.
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Postby Karbo » Fri Mar 24, 2006 3:48 am

TW : Thank you, this is one big compliment ! :)

Kaoru : I am glad you liked it :wink: This "voracious innocence" is something I worked on a a lot. I just love this kind of predators :3
As for the rich descriptions, well lot of them have been powered by Toric eidolon^^
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Postby Kaoru » Fri Mar 24, 2006 4:03 am

Karbo wrote:TW : Thank you, this is one big compliment ! :)

Kaoru : I am glad you liked it :wink: This "voracious innocence" is something I worked on a a lot. I just love this kind of predators :3
As for the rich descriptions, well lot of them have been powered by Toric eidolon^^

I suspected you had done a bit of research and practice to get that right. ...I also suspected that Eidolon had helped you with the descriptions. He is an awesome guy...
Truly and utterly awesome. :oops:
"It is better to die for an idea that will live, than to live for an idea that will die." ~ Steve Biko
And Now Whatever Way Our Stories End, I Know You Have Re-Written Mine - By Being My Friend.
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Postby Baz » Sat Mar 25, 2006 4:56 pm

Nicely done, Karbo. Very nicely done indeed ^^
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Postby Karbo » Sat Mar 25, 2006 5:31 pm

Thank you ! ;)
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Postby GenocideHeart » Tue Apr 04, 2006 1:51 pm

Great story!

You should do one about the Naga series too. You're as good at writing as you are at drawing...
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Postby Ayame » Tue Apr 04, 2006 2:09 pm

i just had to point out when i 1st saw this post on the board the number of views were 666 not inc mine...spooky

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Postby Kaede » Tue Apr 04, 2006 3:33 pm

I'm not big on macro, but I liked the story a lot. Good job!
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Postby Karbo » Tue Apr 04, 2006 4:45 pm

Thank you a lot for your feedback ! :)

I have no inspiration at the moment but if I find ideas I'll definately write another :wink:
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Postby Karbo » Wed Apr 26, 2006 3:22 pm

I begin to have ideas about another story project.

This time this would be about Crisis ( the naga ) being captured and used as a pet by some mafia boss to dispose of his ennemies.. A bit like in the classic James Bond where the bad guy push a button and the victim fall into a pool of piranhas ^^
Of course the situation would quickly get out of control :twisted:

At this point it is still very vague but the general ideas woud be : Feeding, reversal of situation and a "listen your buddies are being digested" scene. ^^
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Postby yami92286 » Wed Apr 26, 2006 3:40 pm

Go for it! I can help you if you want ^-^ I am a good critic =P
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Postby TW » Wed Apr 26, 2006 5:17 pm

yami92286 wrote:Go for it! I can help you if you want ^-^ I am a good critic =P


that he is. :D

I look forward to seeing your upcoming story!!
I love bellies! Round, Soft, hard, Prey filled, food filled, Inflated, or Pregnancy, so long as it is big and round. :)

I am a maieusophile are you?

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Postby oldman40k2003 » Thu Apr 27, 2006 2:36 am

Oooo, I like this new idea of yours.


Then again who wouldn't? :P
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Postby Karbo » Thu Apr 27, 2006 6:48 am

yami92286: Thank you for the offer ;)

Well the story won't come any time soon but it will eventually ^^ The main obstacle is stil the language as always.
By the way if you have ideas or suggestions about some scene that you would see fit, I'll gladly hear it :)
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Re:

Postby Veridicus » Thu Feb 01, 2007 7:29 am

Ah, sometimes, when you are faszinated, or mesmerized (look at naga technique ^^) like a bee in front of a beautiful flower, or a little man in front of a Naga.. than you maybe miss some other things, like a storie. :wink:

It is a pretty nice story and I could understand how much time it must be to write this in english, when it isn't your motherlanguage. These days I thought about translateing some of my stories into english, but now I think I had to be better in english classes during my school time. ^^

So I think - especially you are more in drawing than in writing - it is a very good written story. Not only absolute focused on the vorish moment, also the way to it is for me a point, what makes a story nice.

When I look on the date of the last post here, it is some time gone, but I still hope you will find some motivation and/or time, to write another piece.
And what's about your last sentence, it is still on topic?

Often I could see some scene in my mind, but can't use it or haven't the time, but if someone talented could be inspired, it would be good thing. ;-)
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Postby Karbo » Thu Feb 01, 2007 10:47 am

Thank you for your kind appreciation. I am glad you enjoyed it ! ^_^

Well I must say this is very unlikely I write another story any time soon.. I simply don't see where I could find the time to do so.. and I have a "to do" list of several months long already ^^;

But I am always open to any suggestions. Even if I don't use it in a story in the end, a scene idea can be a great inspiration for pictures as well :P
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